Humans are messy. Families are messy. We are hurtful creatures! Some of us try harder than others to avoid hurting others and some just brush their hands and pretend they are innocent. Truth is none of us are innocent. We all make mistakes. We all do hurtful things. Sometimes we mean to, Sometimes we don’t. The problem is it’s damn near impossible for the recipient of the pain to know what was malicious and what was an honest to God oversight.
I’m a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. I once had a boyfriend who smacked me in the face while telling me he loved me. Because I believe actions speak louder than words it was the last time he ever put his hands on me in any capacity. Somethings you can forgive, somethings you can’t but I always remind myself that actions speak louder!
What I do know is when someone or something continues to hurt you or someone you love you have to stand up and do something about it. Sometimes you try to have a conversation, sometimes you cut ties. Sometimes you just do what you do and let the pieces fall where they may.
I don’t have the answers but what I also know is as a mother of one I never have to hide who my favourite is. I never have to share my affection between children. As parents we aren’t supposed to have a favourite. We of course can love our children differently and as they need but we aren’t supposed to prefer one over the other! I guess as humans it’s in our nature to gravitate to others who share our interests and mannerisms. But it’s often hurtful and glaringly obvious!
I’ve spent many hours waffling between being sad and being angry. Then the guilt kicks in. The guilt because as a mother I’ve failed my child in allowing him to be put in situations where time after time he ends up disappointed by adults in his life. My sweet child doesn’t understand why he is often left out of family events and despite doing our best to shelter his knowledge on when these events happen he is getting older and he’s figuring more out on his own and it breaks my heart.
I recently had a friend tell me “It’s their loss” in reference to family members who don’t spend time with Jacob but you know what it’s his loss too. It’s his loss and that hurts my heart.
My son isn’t an afterthought. He isn’t second best. He isn’t an inconvenience and I’m done allowing anyone to treat him that way!