Want to know the one question that can instantly make me cringe? The one question that makes me silently rage and question the question askers logic, and boundaries? The one question that makes me want to walk away from the conversation…
“When are you having baby number two?”
Or really any question in that line of question war fare! If you’re a Mom of one you know the questions I’m referring to!
“Ready to do it all again?”
“Aww you’re not going to make him be an only child are you?”
“Are you going to try for a girl?”
Sometimes they aren’t questions at all. Sometimes they are disguised as (not) clever little quips and remarks!
“Time for a playmate for Jacob”
“You could fit another car seat in there no problem!”
“You aren’t getting any younger!”
“Being an only child isn’t fair”
First off let me say this… if you ask these questions to anyone STOP IT! These questions are exhausting. Having to explain a personal situation or choice is not fun! Having to discuss infertility,loss.personal health issues because someone thinks it’s their right to know your family dynamics is not ok!!
I can’t tell you how many times in the last five years I’ve been asked these questions. In fact the first time I got asked about baby number two was while baby number one was still baking in my uterus!
People are demanding and nosey! Complete strangers seem to worry about my family make up like it somehow affects their wellbeing. This is mind boggling for me. In what world does Jacob being an only child affect anyone but him, Kevin and myself. I guess maybe it could be stretched to say grandparents but both sets of those aren’t suffering in the number department!
Sometimes it takes unexplainable effort to even personally accept that baby number two is never going to happen. Sometimes it takes time. Sometimes it takes a full fledged grieving process to even begin to come to terms with being a Mom to only one baby for whatever the reason is. Sometimes you might morn the loss of a chance gone by or a chance taken away one New Year’s Eve night. And you know what, that’s ok! Coming to terms with things in your own time is your business and you know what no one needs when they are trying to mourn, grieve, cope, celebrate, live??? “Karen” from accounting asking when you’re going to get on having baby number two!
Just don’t! Don’t be the person who thinks they are entitled to someone else’s reproductive life story.