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Some Days Are Just Plain Hard….

I’ve spent the last 8 months in therapy and I’ve learned so much. I however still have not mastered the ability to not let my anger and irritation skyrocket when someone does something that disappoints my child. To be honest I don’t think it’s a skill I will ever master.

Now I fully acknowledge that in life we all get disappointed sometimes and that’s just something we need to learn to deal with and I’m doing my best to teach Jacob how to handle these situations. With that being said im not talking about the little disappointments like not getting the cake you asked for or not getting to stop at the park! I’m talking about the hurtful disappointments. I’m talking about when a friend or family member breaks a promise or once again ignores your feelings. When a person constantly shows their favouritism by leaving you out. The list goes on.

So while I’m all for teaching my child that disappointments are simply a part of life I’m also right here to teach him that his feelings are valid! I’m here to teach him that allowing someone to continue to bring him hurt and disappointment with their actions and behaviour is not something that he or any of us has to tolerate.

Honor your feelings and give yourself space to actually feel them and work through them.

If you find yourself constantly tired trying to fill a void in a relationship maybe it’s time to evaluate that relationship. Maybe it’s time to have the hard conversation with yourself and really figure out if the way this relationship makes you feel is truly worth what you get out out of it.

Never let someone’s excuses convince you that their actions and excuses aren’t hurtful if they have in fact hurt you or your well-being.

If I Didn’t Know Better….

Let’s be real here…. Clearly this year I haven’t stuck to the Thankful Thursday posts this year. It’s one more thing that has fallen to the wayside due in major part to the massive changes in my life. Why when I type that does it sound like such a cop-out? I think because I’m still trying to learn to cope with the changes. Learning to navigate.

Obviously the project didn’t go according to plan! I haven’t done one of the Thankful Thursday posts in a couple months. Those of you who know me in real life probably already know the reason for that! It’s not because I’m not finding things to be thankful for but because my life has been absolutely full of change. Massive changes that required my full attention and presence. In early January I learned my parents sold their home. It blindsided all of us because the house wasn’t listed for sale. They never told us they planned to do this. They just did it. Now I’m not going to go into a lot of personal detail here but know my parents are both heading towards 80 and we knew right away the best case scenario was for them was to move in with us. It would make things “easier” for us to be able to provide them care as required with them in our home. Things have been tough since covid hit. We found ourselves trying to maintain helping them as needed but also trying to maintain the required distance as required by local laws a d for safety sake of all involved. It was a lot and often didn’t work as well as we needed to.

It was a few months of organizing, purging, cleaning, packing, but mostly reassuring, talking, explaining, and trying to process my own feelings while trying to support my parents as their entire world changed.

It’s been 3 months now and it’s safe to say the honeymoon is over and real life slapped me in the face like a barn door in a wind storm. I’m doing my best to try to achieve that balance of keeping my little core families needs met by prioritizing time with just the three of us. Sometimes it’s easier than others but we did get in a trip up to Hundred mile for a week on the lake! We also got to escape to the island for a week to visit with Kevin’s family. Both were much needed. I’m also trying to maintain my own small space for my needs while being hugely responsible for the needs of my parents.

I find myself waffling between wanting to use this as my space to write about the trials and tribulations of caring for my aging parents, a place to scream about the horrors and hurt caused by dementia and memory loss. A place to word vomit it all out! At the same time I find myself a bit fearful and confused. I guess I’m torn between knowing what I need for my brain to process all this and also knowing that some family members read this and being very aware that reading about some of this on a public internet blog might not sit well. Well… I guess this is my official content warning…. I might blog about things you don’t agree with. You don’t have to be here. I hope you stay and can be supportive but nothing is forcing you to continue reading.

It’s interesting to me that I find myself posting any sort of warning to someone who really only follows along for information. To a person(s) who doesn’t actually offer any support or advice or even any genuine care. So before you pass your unwelcome, unneeded, unrequested judgement on my posts, my life, or how I choose to process this part of my journey please ask yourself this, are you actually part of my life? Like really part of my life or just a “Facebook friend” ? Please know my heart is not closed to any of you but also know I won’t wait by the front gate for any of you to maybe drop by. I will however always answer my phone and my door to respectful relationships with all of you!

Always Go Past Where Your Feet Can Touch

Isn’t it strange how we can spend thousands of hours in the same place and be completely unmoved by it? Yet our brains hold on to places where we only spent a few hours. Flashing back to those brief hours frequently and longing for that spot. Longing for that feeling. How can our brains remember the details in such a fleeting moment? How come I can close my eyes and see a place so vividly? Did I leave a piece of my soul there?

You Gotta Do It Yourself

Not everyone is going to like this…. but here it is…. Your mental health and well-being are more important than your job, than your career. More important than your deadlines, your to do list. Bigger than that event you said you’d attend. More important than your size. Bigger than money. More important than other people’s moods. If taking care of your mental health means letting someone else down than let them down. You’re mental health is more important than other people’s opinions of you. Its more important than status. You cannot be successful unless you take care of your own needs. Expressing your emotions and feelings is not a sign of weakness. Doing your best doesn’t mean pleasing all the people all the time. Do the things you need to do for your own well-being. You’re more of an asset to your family when you treat yourself with the love and respect you need and deserve. Fill your own cup and love yourself ❤️

Thankful Thursday 2021 Week 12/52

A quarter of the way through 2021…. it’s hard not to feel like this pandemic is going to drag on for evermore. Some days it’s hard to stay positive. But we have to try.

This week I’m thankful the kids enjoyed St Patricks day so much. It was a day of all things green and lucky! 🍀

Thankful Thursday Week 2021 10/52

Ten weeks of 2021 have come and gone. As I age I really realize how quickly time moves and somedays it’s really hard to swallow.

Speaking of time, Yesterday was a busy day!! The first half was all about hurry up and wait! I had to wait for the sourdough bread to do its thing so I could get it baked and out the door to 2 friends! It’s kinda neat to know something I create is being used to create a meal for another family to have dinner tonight! Covid may mean we can’t be together but we can stay connected!

The rest of the day was errands and groceries! I really enjoyed getting out of the house, even if was just for groceries. Kevin took me to my favourite local market (Ralph’s) and to Homesense! We went to Costco and he stopped and got me some Apple AirPods because the noise canceling function was recommended to me to help my mental health! I desperately need quiet to function and feel whole.

I’m very thankful I’ve got a husband who makes me take advice that may help me despite the cost.

Muffin would like you to know she’s extremely thankful for guacamole 🤣 This pup begged for guacamole and chips for an hour last night! She made me laugh!

Thankful Thursday Week 2021 9/52

The last Thursday of February and I’m spending most of it in the kitchen! I’ve been baking bread, cookies and generally loving the little farmhouse kitchen space we’ve created!

I’m so Thankful we chose to redo the kitchen! I’m also thankful for friends and family who eat the stupid amounts of sourdough bread I bake!

Thankful Thursday Week 2021 8/52

Did everyone have a nice Valentine’s Day?!? Ours was snowy and quiet!! We decorated cookies and traded handmade valentines! Wouldn’t change a thing.

Sometimes it’s hard to find something to fill this space with every Thursday! Not because I’m lacking in things to be thankful for but because sometimes the days feel heavy and I’m not into toxic positivity! I realize sharing something I’m thankful for isn’t “toxic positivity” but still!

I guess today I’ll share a very simple thing I’m Thankful for! I’m thankful I listened a year ago when hubby told me to buy a Cricut! I’m thankful I gave myself the time and freedom to learn how to use it.

I truly enjoy creating things and honestly think it’s at the top of my list for healthy mental health habits I’ve embraced!