Some days it’s really hard to fight the urge to count calories. Even tho I’ve made a conscious decision to sway away from that, focus on moving my body daily and eating what makes me feel good! I think it’s going to take a long time to break the habit of counting calories and judging food in the “healthy/un healthy” category’s.
I had to fight through the urge over breakfast to look up all the reasons why that 1/2 avocado was “too Much” or “unhealthy”. I reminded myself that I enjoy avocado and it keeps me full for a long time!
I think unlearning old habits is often harder then forming new habits!
This morning I crawled out of my warm bed to take Muffin out to pee. I was hit with cold air upon opening the door! Cold air I haven’t felt since early last spring! I rushed Muff along and upon returning inside took a moment to crawl into bed beside Jacob. His barely awake warm self instantly embraced me and we cuddled for a solid 10 minutes before going about our regular before school routine. Now as I sit here reflecting on the morning I realize how much those ten minutes changed my day. They made me feel loved and relaxed and that put me in a great mood. I had more patience with my parents this morning and generally find myself less stressed!!
I hope our cuddle had the same effect on his day and I hope he never outgrows Momma cuddles! ❤️
I’ve spent the last 8 months in therapy and I’ve learned so much. I however still have not mastered the ability to not let my anger and irritation skyrocket when someone does something that disappoints my child. To be honest I don’t think it’s a skill I will ever master.
Now I fully acknowledge that in life we all get disappointed sometimes and that’s just something we need to learn to deal with and I’m doing my best to teach Jacob how to handle these situations. With that being said im not talking about the little disappointments like not getting the cake you asked for or not getting to stop at the park! I’m talking about the hurtful disappointments. I’m talking about when a friend or family member breaks a promise or once again ignores your feelings. When a person constantly shows their favouritism by leaving you out. The list goes on.
So while I’m all for teaching my child that disappointments are simply a part of life I’m also right here to teach him that his feelings are valid! I’m here to teach him that allowing someone to continue to bring him hurt and disappointment with their actions and behaviour is not something that he or any of us has to tolerate.
Honor your feelings and give yourself space to actually feel them and work through them.
If you find yourself constantly tired trying to fill a void in a relationship maybe it’s time to evaluate that relationship. Maybe it’s time to have the hard conversation with yourself and really figure out if the way this relationship makes you feel is truly worth what you get out out of it.
Never let someone’s excuses convince you that their actions and excuses aren’t hurtful if they have in fact hurt you or your well-being.
Let’s be real here…. Clearly this year I haven’t stuck to the Thankful Thursday posts this year. It’s one more thing that has fallen to the wayside due in major part to the massive changes in my life. Why when I type that does it sound like such a cop-out? I think because I’m still trying to learn to cope with the changes. Learning to navigate.
Obviously the project didn’t go according to plan! I haven’t done one of the Thankful Thursday posts in a couple months. Those of you who know me in real life probably already know the reason for that! It’s not because I’m not finding things to be thankful for but because my life has been absolutely full of change. Massive changes that required my full attention and presence. In early January I learned my parents sold their home. It blindsided all of us because the house wasn’t listed for sale. They never told us they planned to do this. They just did it. Now I’m not going to go into a lot of personal detail here but know my parents are both heading towards 80 and we knew right away the best case scenario was for them was to move in with us. It would make things “easier” for us to be able to provide them care as required with them in our home. Things have been tough since covid hit. We found ourselves trying to maintain helping them as needed but also trying to maintain the required distance as required by local laws a d for safety sake of all involved. It was a lot and often didn’t work as well as we needed to.
It was a few months of organizing, purging, cleaning, packing, but mostly reassuring, talking, explaining, and trying to process my own feelings while trying to support my parents as their entire world changed.
It’s been 3 months now and it’s safe to say the honeymoon is over and real life slapped me in the face like a barn door in a wind storm. I’m doing my best to try to achieve that balance of keeping my little core families needs met by prioritizing time with just the three of us. Sometimes it’s easier than others but we did get in a trip up to Hundred mile for a week on the lake! We also got to escape to the island for a week to visit with Kevin’s family. Both were much needed. I’m also trying to maintain my own small space for my needs while being hugely responsible for the needs of my parents.
I find myself waffling between wanting to use this as my space to write about the trials and tribulations of caring for my aging parents, a place to scream about the horrors and hurt caused by dementia and memory loss. A place to word vomit it all out! At the same time I find myself a bit fearful and confused. I guess I’m torn between knowing what I need for my brain to process all this and also knowing that some family members read this and being very aware that reading about some of this on a public internet blog might not sit well. Well… I guess this is my official content warning…. I might blog about things you don’t agree with. You don’t have to be here. I hope you stay and can be supportive but nothing is forcing you to continue reading.
It’s interesting to me that I find myself posting any sort of warning to someone who really only follows along for information. To a person(s) who doesn’t actually offer any support or advice or even any genuine care. So before you pass your unwelcome, unneeded, unrequested judgement on my posts, my life, or how I choose to process this part of my journey please ask yourself this, are you actually part of my life? Like really part of my life or just a “Facebook friend” ? Please know my heart is not closed to any of you but also know I won’t wait by the front gate for any of you to maybe drop by. I will however always answer my phone and my door to respectful relationships with all of you!
Not everyone is going to like this…. but here it is…. Your mental health and well-being are more important than your job, than your career. More important than your deadlines, your to do list. Bigger than that event you said you’d attend. More important than your size. Bigger than money. More important than other people’s moods. If taking care of your mental health means letting someone else down than let them down. You’re mental health is more important than other people’s opinions of you. Its more important than status. You cannot be successful unless you take care of your own needs. Expressing your emotions and feelings is not a sign of weakness. Doing your best doesn’t mean pleasing all the people all the time. Do the things you need to do for your own well-being. You’re more of an asset to your family when you treat yourself with the love and respect you need and deserve. Fill your own cup and love yourself ❤️
Ten weeks of 2021 have come and gone. As I age I really realize how quickly time moves and somedays it’s really hard to swallow.
Speaking of time, Yesterday was a busy day!! The first half was all about hurry up and wait! I had to wait for the sourdough bread to do its thing so I could get it baked and out the door to 2 friends! It’s kinda neat to know something I create is being used to create a meal for another family to have dinner tonight! Covid may mean we can’t be together but we can stay connected!
The rest of the day was errands and groceries! I really enjoyed getting out of the house, even if was just for groceries. Kevin took me to my favourite local market (Ralph’s) and to Homesense! We went to Costco and he stopped and got me some Apple AirPods because the noise canceling function was recommended to me to help my mental health! I desperately need quiet to function and feel whole.
I’m very thankful I’ve got a husband who makes me take advice that may help me despite the cost.
Muffin would like you to know she’s extremely thankful for guacamole 🤣 This pup begged for guacamole and chips for an hour last night! She made me laugh!
I took this photo this morning and was ready to sit down and take part in the Bell let’s talk initiative and discuss the need to normalize asking for help when it comes to mental health but the longer I sat there the further away my words got from me. All I could find myself thinking about was Performative ally-ship and how awful employees of both companies big and small are often treated when it comes to mental health! Maybe it’s because after being assaulted at work I was pretty much told if I wanted anything done about it I could hire an employment lawyer out of pocket. Maybe it’s because I’m at a point in my life where I expect people to walk the walk if they are going to talk the talk!
I’m wholeheartedly supportive of normalizing conversations about mental health, but let’s not make it once a year to help some corporate giant line their pockets with tax breaks! Let’s check in on friends and family regularly. Let’s teach our kids about feelings, gratitude and that it’s okay to take a mental health day! Let’s think before we type those snarky remarks on social media and remember there is a real person behind the comments. Let’s be supportive of each other and be aware it’s ok to take our own needs into account!
Let’s acknowledge that we are all human and we all have a story! Some of us live our lives as open books but we all have chapters most don’t get to read. Let’s just try to be kind and supportive everyday.
I’m lucky to have an amazing husband and a handful of friends that I know truly care about me and my wellbeing! For that I’m thankful!
I’ve had a love of reading from as far back as I can remember! The smell of a freshly cracked book is pure magic. The softness of magazines pages is relaxing bliss! Wandering a book store is pure joy for me!! Don’t even get me started on how walking into a Scholastic book fair felt as a child!
I love taking J to bookstores and just embracing the magic! Just browsing with no particular book in mind, finding what feels right.
This week we visited Chapters and each got a new book and a journal! (His gratitude journal came from amazon). I’m so excited to introduce Jacob to journaling and the act of acknowledging gratitude! Obviously if you’re here reading this you know about my Thankful Thursday posts and honestly thru truly serve as a great activity to refocus my week. Doing these posts has made me realize that practicing gratitude and journaling doesn’t have to take hours but it truly is beneficial!
I challenge everyone to take a week or a month and actively practice gratitude and make note of what brings you joy!
The vintage valentines simply made me smile,reminisce and brought me joy! We are going to mail Valentine’s to a few friends and family to hopefully spread happiness! While we were at the mall anyways we snuck into Purdys and got a beautiful heart box of chocolates filled will all our family favourites!
I’m truly thankful for our family outing to a few stores today. Given the Covid situation we haven’t been going into stores much and definitely not taking Jacob but today was an exception because he needed new clothes and I had no clue what size to buy him! It was so nice to feel normal for a couple hours.
Happy New year friends!! Hope everyone enjoyed a quiet evening and ushered the new year in healthy!
We stayed up till midnight to blow our horns and watch some fireworks!
Today we spent the day having a cozy family day!! We ordered some Freshii for dinner, went for a walk in the rain, played some Nintendo, a d did a puzzle!
It was the perfect way to start the year!!
After the changes and chaos of 2020 I’ve decided I’m not setting any resolutions this year. I have however decided to commit to getting outside and walking every single day despite the weather! I’ve also committed to making sure I drink my water every day. I’m not considering these resolutions because I’m looking at them as healthy habits that I want to do for my wellbeing!
Are you setting a resolution? Goal? Any big plans for 2021?
Grab a drink (I’ve got iced Christmas tea mixed with diet ginger ale and it’s pure heaven) and pull up a seat! Let’s talk! Real talk! 2020 has been a really tough year on many levels for most people! I’ve continued to try my best to practice gratitude and offer my assistance to others in need in ways that work for my little family. But I’m going to be honest with you all… I’ve had my moments & struggled. I’ve had my moments of frustration , irritation, fear, sadness, anger, pretty much every emotion! Thankfully for me I’ve got an amazing husband to fall back on for support, a house full of family, and a handful of amazing friends to turn to. I’ve got a whole team of you here on social media ready to interact with me and share some giggles at the click of a post!! I’ve made new online friends through our shared Love of vintage stuff, crafting, love of community, etc. So to all of you who help break up my day and make me laugh, smile, reflect, learn, etc thank you!! To my new found friends I’m so excited to get to spend time with you when it’s safe!
To all of you getting through this thing day by day and doing your best to follow the rules and show kindness, Thank you!
Yesterdays announcement on Christmas restrictions hit me hard. I held it together over the evening but I literally burst into tears over breakfast this morning. And you know what … that’s ok. It’s ok because the announcement sucked, the realization of what it all means just flat out sucks. There is no sugar coating it! Watching other people skirt the rules or flat out ignore them is straight up maddening. Sometimes it’s hard to not get angry and blame others for this mess.
So this morning I had my cry and I pulled myself together and I’m not going to sit here and spew toxic positivity at you and tell you it was rainbows and butterflies all afternoon because it wasn’t! My mood continued to reflect the weather! Kinda dark and gloomy but progressing through the afternoon. But I will tell you I spent part of the afternoon doing little things to help other people (because acts of service and gift giving are how I express love) and honestly that was the highlight of my day. I got my parents groceries at Ralph’s Farm Market because I truly don’t want them in stores if we can avoid it and I feel very safe doing their shopping at Ralph’s. We dropped off our reverse advent calendar donations (a few days late) to Cloverdale Community Kitchen. I dropped off the tree ornaments a new friend had me make. I generally kept busy!
During my brief out and about today you know what I noticed??? People trying their best to follow distancing protocol. I noticed staff that were welcoming and smiling behind their masks (you can tell) I noticed most people are being kind and doing the best they can to get through this. I noticed kindness despite adversity and fear. I noticed thankfulness from others and then I remembered the quote from the Grinch.. “Maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more”. Maybe this year we all need to find a way to make it mean a little bit more. Maybe we can all try to flow through our days with kindness and intention. Maybe we can try to find the good. Share a smile. I’m not saying to suppress the hard feelings but try to find the silver lining. Again I’m not going to throw toxic positivity at you and tell you a list of ways to stay positive. I’m just asking you to make an effort to see something good in each day. Hell im sure I’ll have another good cry before the week is over but I’m going to try my best to take care of myself, my family, and actively try to look for that silver lining!
Today I cried and felt sad but my silver lining was feeling safe shopping and seeing my parents from the driveway when we dropped off the groceries. Jacob singing jingle bells in the truck! Hearing my Mom cry briefly on the phone then pull herself together and tell me how happy she was to see us today (even if it was only a few minutes from the drive way). Listening to her tell me how much she liked the little chocolate treats she found in the grocery bag! The air hug from 10 feet away when handing off an order to a new friend! Spending a few minutes alone arranging the beautiful flowers I got at the market and finally getting these words out.