Thankful Thursday Week 33/52

Good morning friends! Im sitting here sipping a cup of tea on the couch and cuddling with Muffin! All is quiet here right now because the boys are still asleep.

When I decided Back in January to do this weekly thankful Thursday post I truly thought it would just be one post of many I did weekly! I had planned on getting back to sharing recipes, Friday faves, life updates, etc but obviously none of that has materialized! I’m not really sure why. I find that despite not having a set list of to do’s, work, etc isn’t making me productive in the traditional sense. I also realize that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I feel like I’m in a quiet season of life these last few months. Obviously covid has lended a hand in that by way of slowing our plans, our outings etc.

I find myself sipping drinks slower, admiring the flowers a little longer, and paying attention to the way the light in the evening hits our living room. Im also finding myself less likely to reach out to friends and wanting to spend more time alone and with my little family.

I can’t really explain how I feel. It’s a weird combination of slower, calculated living and learning to control the pockets of brewing anxiety that make me question what if I’m not making the most of this time?! What if I’m not doing life right!

Kevin has always told me that I’m one of those people who looks for reasons to stress, that I often worry about the what if’s and he’s right! I do that! Lately I’ve been making an effort to not do that. But on some level it’s who I am. However I’m finding myself learning to acknowledge it and work through it more often than not.

I truly thought that I would of spent this time away from work being extremely productive in terms of weight loss, exercise, creating a home schedule for cleaning, meal plans, etc. It’s been almost a year and none of that has happened! And that’s ok! Because what has happened in the last year is a stepping stone that I needed to live the rest of my life. I’ve learned that nothing is guaranteed and that no matter how hard I try to make others happy that ultimately I’m not responsible for their happiness or their joy. Sure I can lend my love and support to their happiness but I’m not responsible for it! I’ve realized that I’m an adult and I don’t need to ask for permission for things I want or need. I’ve learned it’s ok to trust my gut. I’ve realized that I can disappoint others in order to protect myself. I’ve finally accepted that this is my life and no one owns me. No one controls me and the daily civility of life doesn’t mean letting others dictate how I live to meet their needs.

For that I’m truly thankful ❤️

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