Tag Archive | Marriage

On 15 Years Of Marriage….

Nov17

Fifteen may not seem like a lot when you’re talking about stars in the sky, trees in the forest or vintage Christmas decorations in my house but when you’re talking about years of marriage….. It’s a big number.

Every year we measure and mark the passing of time in so many ways, In big ways like the celebration of birthdays and holidays. In small ways like planting seeds in the spring and harvesting crops in the fall. We all quietly know time and life is passing, we can’t stop it or slow it down. In the grand scheme of life 15 years is a small number for most but for others it’s a lifetime.

15 years of marriage tho…. In our world that’s a big deal. It’s a milestone that has traveled a path of happiness and sadness. The path to this milestone is littered with quiet intimate moments and loud chaotic moments. It’s an airport hangar full of bags. Bags packed neatly full of memories. Some bags fondly remembered with the urge to unpack and relive everything about those times. Other bags packed tightly and buried deeply with the hope of never disturbing the dust. Whether the bag is one we’d like to rip open and immerse ourselves back into or the bag is one in which we have zero inkling to ever touch again those are our bags and they built the foundation and walls of this life.

This past Saturday Kevin and I reached that milestone. 15 years of marriage. 15 years of building this life together. 15 years of building this little family. 15 years of showing up. 15 years of smiles, 15 years of tears, 15 years of working together through the good and bad. 15 years of I love you’s, a few I hate you’s and ultimately the realization that if we lost each others love it would tear our whole world apart.

For 15 years we have joked about this being the longest one night stand EVER. In these 15 years we’ve slammed a few doors in each others faces and almost called it quits a few times. We’ve on occasion said awful things to each other. For 15 years tho no matter what has happened we’ve always found our way back to each other. Back to the love we felt that day in Vegas. Back to goodnight kisses and good morning boob squeezes. Back to each other every single day.

We didn’t celebrate this milestone in a big flashy way. In fact we had an argument the night before. We started the day annoyed and distant with each other. We did however acknowledge this milestone by doing exactly what we’ve done for 15 years… we spent the day doing little errands that could have waited but forced us to be in close proximity to each other. As the hours of the day past we joked, we teased and we got past the hurt of the argument. Little reminders of I love you in quiet ways. We ate Chinese take out on the couch and felt the warmth and safety of just being beside each other. We did exactly what we’ve done to make it to this big milestone. We loved each other even when it was hard.

Summer in the rightest way….

Sep8

Childhood….the days when it felt like an eternity between the first day of school and summer vacation! 10 months that felt like 10 years. Those days we had no idea how quickly the days would pass later in life.

Watching Jacob enjoy his summer this year took me back to my preteen years. A time before responsibilities. A time before screens. A time when my brain still let my imagination run the show. I remember how the dry grass felt on my feet. How the cold lake water took my breath away but I’d jump in over and over. I remember how exciting it was to get to the cabin. How ice cream melted so fast in the hot sun. The smell of campfire smoke in my hair as I drifted off to sleep.

I was lucky enough to relive all these feelings and more this past summer with my little family.

This summer I remembered what summer freedom felt like. This summer I remembered what summer love feels like. This summer I let myself live so many adventures. This summer I found a happiness I’d misplaced a long time ago.

I am blessed to feel safe enough in this life to let Jacob go off on big adventures with friends that I only dreamed of as a child. A week at camp, sleepovers hours away from home, the waterslides, tree swings, hiking, bike riding, trailer camp outs, beach walks, ocean side fires, kayaking, target shooting, paddle boarding, sturgeon fishing!!

Someone said to me this summer “Wow your child is living his best life!” and it reminded me how lucky I am to be living his best life with him. It reminded me how much I learn from him and from being a Mom.

It’s hard to think about the small number of summers we have left before Jacob isn’t as keen on adventures with Mom and Dad. For now I’m going to lean into these adventures, lean into the best life we get to experience together. I’m going to savour the way the late summer sun feels in the afternoon and the way I feel safe in a way I’ve never experienced or understood until now.

For now I’m going to keep letting myself let it all in. Im going to leave the walls crumbled on the ground. I’m going to enjoy the novelty that is me, that is this adventure! I’m going to enjoy the last few kisses in the summer sun. I’m just going to let it happen….

In Response To My Best Friend…

Aug28

And to all those looking marriage in the face!

Marriage

Scary topic right?? Yes and no! It is scary because you think it something new, unchartered waters, it isn’t all that new … Trust me.

I’ve learned a few things in the past three years of marriage. Trust me I’m not claiming to have all the answers and God knows I was a really bad wife for a while there BUT what I do have is some experience and some rambling to share with you!!

There Is No Such Thing As The Perfect Soulmate Or Perfect Marriage

Sorry to burst anyone’s bubble but nothing is ever perfect, you’re going to have hard times, disagreements, tears, fights, blowouts and there will be times you think about leaving. However there will also be love, quiet times, parties, happiness, and occasionally you will wonder how you ever lived without the other person.

Marriage is a balancing act and it’s a lot of work but the pay off can be amazing if you open your eyes and see the little things. Life is an amazing adventure if you allow it to be!

Marriage is not as scary as you think. Marriage isn’t a piece of paper Marriage is everyday, working together to get things done, marriage is grocery shopping, paying bills, going out for dinner, going on vacation, fights, compromise. Marriage is really no different then the things the two of you are doing day in and day out together right now! Don’t let those vows intimidate you. They are just words and your marriage license is just paper. Your words and that paper can’t force you to stay together. Your actions and feelings for each are what your marriage is made of. The way you work as a team and treat each other are what will keep you together.

Marriage is falling out of love and back in love with the same person hundreds of times because just when you think you’ve reached a breaking point something happens that makes you remember why you fell in love in the first place!!

Marriage is letting the other person have the last cupcake! Giving and taking but also being patient and thankful. Marriage is as much about learning who you are as it is learning who the other person is. Make yourself a promise right now to never give up on learning who either is!

Marriage is like the seasons, always changing, renewing, living, dying. Marriage is a promise to let your two worlds collide and to hold on for dear life to each other. To help each other be better. To help each other get through the tough times and embrace the good times.

Never let your marriage destroy your individuality and never think you have the right to destroy your partners individuality. Getting married doesn’t mean you lose you to become a “We”. Marriage means you promise to hold on to who you are, respect who your partner is and work together to both be the best you can. In the process the support will create an amazingly strong bond. Together you will be better because you have nurtured each others strong points.

Marriage is counting to ten and remembering that no matter how mad you are in this moment that person you’re livid with is someone you love deeply. Marriage is being careful with the words you choose because once those words are out there you can’t take them back.

Marriage is falling but helping each other back up. Sometimes one person may fall hard, fast, and deep. It’s going to hurt! You can embrace the hurt and walk away or you can except that much like cleaning a wound with iodine it’s gonna sting like a bitch but eventually the sting will subside and the scar will fade. People make mistakes and marriage is accepting the mistakes others make and the hurt they cause but deciding to heal through the hurt and be stronger on the other side.

Marriage and a wedding are not the same thing! In fact in today’s world either one can happen without the other! A wedding is a public celebration of the love between two people! Don’t let planing that celebration harm the love you’ve already built. Remember you can’t please everyone and your choices may step on a few toes but no one is going to die if YOUR wedding isn’t the way they envisioned it. Enjoy your special day, embrace the excitement and experience and remember its just one day. Marriage is the rest of your life if you choose for it to be.

Life ain’t always beautiful and neither is marriage. Both will knock you down but its easier to get back up when you have a hand from someone you love.