Tag Archive | changes

I Know Ive Been Quiet….

But I saw something today that really slapped me in the face and got my attention!! Now I’m sharing it with you because it’s so important and no one tells you this!!!! Don’t put your well-being at risk to avoid making a scene or hurting someone’s feelings!! This goes for all the things listed below but also for friendships, jobs, marriages, family dinners, appointments, etc!! If something is making you uncomfortable you don’t owe it to anybody to stay there and suffer!!!

I think this resonates with me so deeply for a number of reasons but especially because of how long I stayed working for an abusive employer because I felt I had too!! I was raised to believe you don’t quit and now thanks to life experience and therapy I know it’s ok to quit! It’s ok to put myself first! It’s ok to walk away!!!

It’s funny writing this today after coming home from my shift at my new job which I absolutely love. I think about what I worked through at my last job and feel so incredibly grateful to now be working for a family who values me as nurse, as a caregiver, and most importantly as a person!

When I left my last job I truly didn’t know if I’d ever return to nursing but after a long hiatus involving therapy, self discovery, self love, and healing I’m so thankful to have found a job in the field I love that reminds me why I went into health care in the first place. I’m so thankful to have found a family to help that truly is thankful for my help.

I now know it’s ok to leave when you don’t feel right about a situation. It’s ok to leave when you aren’t being respected, it’s okay to walk away. You don’t owe your well being to anyone except you!!

❤️

Hello October 🎃

Some days it’s really hard to fight the urge to count calories. Even tho I’ve made a conscious decision to sway away from that, focus on moving my body daily and eating what makes me feel good! I think it’s going to take a long time to break the habit of counting calories and judging food in the “healthy/un healthy” category’s.

I had to fight through the urge over breakfast to look up all the reasons why that 1/2 avocado was “too Much” or “unhealthy”. I reminded myself that I enjoy avocado and it keeps me full for a long time!

I think unlearning old habits is often harder then forming new habits!

You’re The Apple Of My Eye

Break my heart in two…..I’m already looking for you and you’re right here. Why does a few blocks feel like a journey of a million miles? You’re the apple of my eye!! You’re my tiny little best friend. Nothing makes my heart happier than you! Today I let you stand on your own two feet. Today I’ll cry and worry. Today I’ll experience the longest hour of my life. Such a bitter sweet feeling. Your apprehensive feelings are being held at bay by your excitement. Your compassion and concern for me is evident. I’ll be ok sweet boy. I’m just not ready for this… but I’ll learn and be looking forward to picking you up everyday to hear about your adventures. How did 6.5 years go by so fast? Through the jungle, through the dark, in the sunshine, home is wherever I am with you!

Looking For Something That’s Right Here….

The weather this weekend has been a mood. Literally overnight we went from sweltering sunny days to damp cool moody days. I feel it in my soul. A direct reflection of how many of us are feeling? Or maybe just how I’m feeling.

Moody. Lost in the grey. Vacant. Dark.

Make some sense of what you think you see…

Pay attention to your surroundings because secrets are most often hidden in plain sight.

Sometimes I create these wild scenarios in my head. Scenarios to explain why something is happening or not happening. More often then not when something is bothering me with someone or a situation I’ve had the argument or conversation in my head multiple times before we get around to laying the cards on the table. By the time you realize I’m angry I’ve already surpassed the point of simple recovery. I use to think I might be legitimately crazy but with age comes wisdom. Now at 38 years old I realize that I am one of those people who feel things viscerally. I can’t let things go until I’ve gone over every version of the situation a number of times. Break it into a million pieces and put it back together just so.

Do your shattered, jagged edges cut through everything? Through everyday or do they glisten in the sunshine as you try to figure out how to navigate a world where we’re all a little broken and jagged?

My imperfections are not inadequacies, they are my truths. They are what makes me who I am. You can try to make sense of these things but all you will ever do is base me on you. The version of me you have created doesn’t actually exist. That person is simply an outcome of the pieces of me you want to take. The events you want to remember. The conversations both spoken and not that you have glued together with your feelings and your thoughts. This is the only way we really know anyone.

Sweet friend, Norman bates said it best “It’s not like my mother is a maniac or a raving thing. She just goes a little mad sometimes. We all go a little mad sometimes.”

One Year….

It’s been exactly one year since I walked away from my job with an employer who didn’t value me as a employee but worse he didn’t value you me as a human being. Finding the courage to walk away from a well paying job when I was the sole provider for my little family was one of the hardest and most terrifying things I had ever done!!! But you know what? It was the best decisions I ever made. My well-being and my mental health, my actual health, my sanity all proved more important than a paycheque. Finding my self worth and myself again has been a journey. But as I sit here in this little cabin, looking at the moon reflecting on the lake I’ve never been more sure of something in my life!!

Take care of yourself! Your whole self! Don’t put up with people who treat you like you’re worth less than they are! Don’t put up with people who think they own you because they sign your paycheque. Treat others with respect and don’t tolerate those who don’t treat you the same. Love the ones who love you. Find your people and hold on!

Everything will work out even if the first step terrifies you!

Thankful Thursday ~ October 3

Hope everyone had a great Thursday! Mine was productively busy.

My friend Angie has been doing “Thankful Thursday” posts now for a few weeks and thought I’d jump on board! You can check out her Thankful post Here!! PS she’s kinda awesome!!

So tonight after I got home from the gym I spent some time thinking about all the things I’m thankful and let me tell you the list is vast and varied! So I’ve picked a few random ones to share with you!

1) I am thankful for Emma. She is turning into such a little grown up! This week we have been having tea together and trying all the different David’s teas we picked up on our shopping trip last Sunday. Our favorite is currently Birthday cake.

2) I am thankful to live in a country and have coverage through Kev’s work that offers me access to medical and dental. Today I put on my big girl pants and went to my dentist appointment without any stress or fear! I met Matt my new hygienist and he’s great, I’m very comfortable with him.

3) I am thankful for having a husband who takes me to do simple things I’m sure he could live without. Today he took me to get my toe nails painted, my eye brows waxed, to subway for lunch, and we wandered around Value Village! It is nice to have company on my little adventures!

4) I am thankful for having the ability to have a well stocked fridge and pantry! I am often insanely indecisive about food and having many options is nice.

5) I am thankful for the smells and sights of autumn! The leaves are so gorgeous and the sunshine today was amazing!! The air has a fresh crisp scent and I love the cozy feeling this time of year brings!!

I could keep going but it’s time for some Muffin snuggles!!!

What are you Thankful for today friends?

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Good Evening….Good Morning! It’s 1:32am Your Call!

I just got finished deleting half of the people off of my Facebook friends list and putting a good portion of the remainder on limited profile. I know in a few cases this will not go over well but honestly I don’t care. I did it for me and my own well being. There are a few reasons I did this and the most major one is I don’t want to share my life with some people I don’t feel comfortable or close with. Now you may be asking yourself why I have a blog in that case. This blog was never posted on my Facebook account and while it by no means is hidden if certain friends, famy or acquaintances wished to located it that would be at their own discretion. The Facebook machine is an interesting beast. In many cases Facebook seems like nothing more then a glorified pissing contest. A who’s who of making their life sound like complete perfection. While I enjoy many aspects of Facebook and enjoy sharing my life in this manner, I think the deletes were a very healthy choice for me.

Now on to the real interesting bits and bites of my day! Okay I lie…today was pretty uneventful!!! Typical Tuesday at work.

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Just ask Muffin how eventful our day was!!!! Actually don’t she is sound asleep …. AGAIN!

I tried some new gluten bread at lunch time and it was stellar. I will snap a picture of the package tomorrow. As for now check out my yummy sandwich ! Ham, cheese,micro-greens, and tomato on the tiny gluten free bread! I

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I didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as I did. I guess trying new things really is worth the risk.

The only other food I took a picture of was my snack.

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I couldn’t help myself because I thought it was pretty!

Well friends I should try and get some sleep incase I need to fight off angry deleted Facebook peeps in the morning 😉