Everything Is Something….

Except sometimes your something isn’t (and doesn’t need to be) everyone else’s everything.

I’m so incredibly thankful to be Canadian. To live in a country that allows me the freedoms to live my life however I deem fit!! For that all my respect and love goes out to honour and remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifices to provide us those freedoms.

Remembrance day is, was, and always will be deeply meaningful to me.

The fact we put up some of our Christmas decorations this weekend does not in any way diminish the respect I have for all of those who have and continue to serve this great country so that me and my family can continue to live in peace and make our own choices about how and when we choose to do things.

This weekend I had a number of strong opinions and snarky remarks thrown at me because I chose to share Jacob and I’s excitement over our Christmas decorations and baking Christmas cookies. I was told I’m “disrespectful” and that I don’t honour the soldiers that fought for our country. I was told that decorating prior to November 12th is “unnecessary” and “ridiculous”.

At first I was really annoyed but the more I thought about it the more I really started to think about the connotations of the words and insults being hurled all over social media at those who choose to get festive early.

My stance on this is simple, I don’t tell others adults how to run their lives, how to raise their kids, when to go to bed, what to eat for dinner, etc. So I can’t wrap my head around why all of the sudden people are wanting to take away freedom of choice from people. The very thing so many have and continue to fight and die for. Freedom.

Let that sink in.

We all live in this amazing country. We all have rights to celebrate, practice religion, wear what we want, eat what we want, marry who ever we want. But yet many still feel the need to force their opinions and beliefs on others. To feel the need to talk down to others who don’t do life like they do.

It hit me. This isn’t about the Remembrance Day/Christmas decoration issue. This goes far deeper. This is about people who can’t help but want others to live like they do. People who want to engrain their beliefs on to others without actually realizing that they are using methods of shame, ridicule, and embarrassment to do so.

That’s a scary path when you really think about it.

At the end of the day I’ve realized I know who I am, I know what makes me happy, I know where my respect and my honour lies. I know what Remembrance Day means to me and I know a few Christmas decorations aren’t strong enough to take any of that away from me.

Tuesday Turnaround

Oct9

Happy Belated Thanksgiving Canadian friends!

I hope everyone got to take a few minutes this past weekend to give thanks for the things in their life! I was lucky enough to get two turkey dinners. One with Kevin’s Family and one with my sister in laws family. Both were delicious and I definitely feel like I should probably eat a big salad for dinner tonight!

I’m extremely Thankful for many things but the last couple days I feel foggy. I need to get my head clear. I’m not sure how to do that or what I need but I definitely feel I need some quiet “me time”. Jacob is currently going through a phase that is testing my whole being.

This photo was taken after he had his first real MAJOR public meltdown! He lost it at the pumpkin patch on Saturday and in hindsight I should of seen it coming because he had a full and exciting few days prior to Saturday. Yesterday morning he was incredibly upset when it was time for me to go to work. When I arrive home he instantly turned into a head strong little tyrant and it didn’t stop until he fell asleep on the couch at bedtime! Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s exhausting and demanding. I love him ferociously but sometimes I have to remind myself that he’s just a child and no matter how strong my emotions are dealing with all this his are just as strong and he doesn’t yet have the tools to deal with these big emotions.

So my goal for today is to turn it all around. I definitely need to get my head together and just breathe. Let’s hope Jacob can get on bored.

Easy Like Sunday Morning…

Sep9

Easy my ass! I’ve been laying here awake since 5:30 am (it’s now 7:18am) and I’m yet to get up because I don’t want to wake up Jacob! We can’t have another early morning for him because early mornings lead to ridiculously cranky afternoon and meltdown evenings! So for now I lay here and be thankful for my phone and the internet! The past few days have been tough because Jacob and I have both had a cold. It never fails that I get afflicted with sickness in early September. I took Friday off work and spent the day in my pj’s. It was a much needed day of rest. Saturday was much the same but we did venture to get groceries and got some fresh air out on our patio briefly. I feel like this time of year is my planning time. Planning the rest of the year! Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas, etc. I love Fall. The colours, the crisp leaves, the leggings, hoodies, boots! The pumpkins, the food! Speaking of food! Jacob and I baked this lovely banana bread yesterday morning. The recipe can be found HERE. He absolutely loves baking! He asks every weekend if we can bake! He loves to share his (our) creations. Yesterday he took half the banana bread to Grandma and Grandpa and shared the rest with his cousins. He pretty much melts my heart daily. Well my friends I’m going to be brave and attempt to sneak out of bed (only because I really have to pee). Stick around this week as I’m planning on sharing/reviewing some new Epicure products as well hopefully sharing a post on the CSA box we’ve been getting all summer!

Broken

Jun9

I think my heart is broken.

I think I’ve hit a point where everything is just too much.

It’s not one specific thing, it’s the cumulative effect of all the little things (and a few big things).

I don’t remember how to let go anymore, I don’t remember how to shake the weight from my shoulders. I don’t remember what it feels like to not be responsible for everything all the time.

So far 2018 has been a roll with the punches and try to stay standing sort of endeavour. Work, home, life… Major changes almost weekly it seems.

My work hours have changed 3 times in 4 months. I went from working 28 hours a week to working a 40 hour 4 day line. Then I went to 48 hour 4 day line. Now I’m doing a 40 hour 5 day line. I held the hand of dying man who I adored. Ive held back tears. I’ve felt the sting of coworkers hating on me because I was the staff left standing with a job when the dust settled. I’ve done my best to adjust and be thankful that I have a job to provide for my family.

I’ve noticed these fine lines around my eyes and mouth. I’ve notice the ever increasing number of grey hairs sneaking through my once glorious hair. I’ve noticed I no longer make eye contact with people when I have to go out in public. Is this an age thing? 36? Is it the age where I’ve decided to get old? Or am I really just tired of people?

I recently took part in a conversation where a young mom said that people who “drop their friends” because of marriage, kids, work etc are flaky. I’m not flaky, I’m exhausted. I don’t think anyone sets out to drop their friends when adult life takes over but life priorities really do cause you (well me) to see my friends less. I’d love to see my friends weekly but with only two days off a week and 1400 things to get done how do I do this? If you know how please tell me.

I’ve noticed that my needs and well-being come last. I don’t prioritize myself because by the time everything and everyone else is taken care of the day is done.

I’ve noticed I’ve had to justify more things to people who I actually thought were concerned and cared.

I don’t think this is what a normal adult life is supposed to be like? I’m not feeling sorry for myself I’m just putting into words how I feel. But then again I’m not sure why I’m even trying to justify my words and feelings by adding that.

Sometimes I get this glimmer of something that reminds me I’m a bad ass! Something that reminds me that I should be proud of myself for holding it together, doing everything I can to provide for my son and disabled husband. Sometimes I watch as Jacob loves life and I forget I’m dying inside.

Maybe it’s not my heart that’s broken maybe it’s my soul.

Good For You Protein Balls

Jan16

Today’s kitchen adventure: Protein balls! These little beauties are just sweet enough to ward off a cookie craving while being packed full of good for you ingredients and protein! Perfect as a mid afternoon snack, after the gym, or desert!

Ingredients

1 cup rolled oats

1/2 cup natural peanut butter

1/4 cup Epicure protein powder

1/4 cup ground flax

1/4 cup honey

2 scoops Epicure Cocoa açai

1/4 cup mini dark chocolate chips

1/4 cup unsweetened coconut

Method

Simply mix all ingredients into a large bowl and mix well. Once combined scoop and roll into small balls. Roll in coconut and place in sealed container to store in fridge.

Using the above recipe I got 18 balls. Which breaks down to 4.4 grams of protein each!

You can customize these however you like! Try adding things like dried cranberries, nuts, cinnamon, etc.

I hope you enjoy these.

Happy, healthy snacking!

Pumpkin Coconut Coffee Cake

Jul23

This isn’t my normal recipe post! Normally I have photos of each step. This time though is just the basics!!

Fall can’t come soon enough!! Tonight I had to bake something pumpkin spice to get me through the craving!

Ingredients

1 1/3 cups flour

3/4 cup white sugar

3 teaspoons baking powder

Pinch of salt

1 1/2 teaspoons Epicure’s pumpkin pie spice

1/4 cup butter

1 egg

3/4 cup pumpkin purée

1/4 milk

1 egg

1 teaspoon vanilla

Topping

1/4 cup brown sugar

1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice

3 tablespoons coconut

Directions
Whisk together dry ingredients.

Cut in butter until crumbly

Make a well in the centre

Mix together wet ingredients
Gently fold wet into dry, mixing just enough to bring every together.

Place in greased 8×8 pan

Mix together brown sugar, coconut and pumpkin spice. Sprinkle over batter

Bake for 50 minutes in 350 degree oven

It Could Have Been Me…

Jun16

It could have been you. Anyone of us Mothers could be feeling the absolute heartbreak Melissa Graves is feeling right now. The numbness, the regret, the blame, the devistation.

None of us are immune to tragedy. None of us can see the future. None of us know if the last hug or frustrated sigh over uneaten dinner will be the last. None of us know when our number is up.

None of us are perfect parents. Not a single one of us can claim we have never taken our eyes off our child for a split second. Not a single parent alive can pretend that in a brief second, one horrible life changing second couldn’t destroy our lives and take our baby away forever. Because deep down we know it could it. Things happen. Horrible, unthinkable things…accidents happen.

Accidents happen. Think about that for a second. Then remember why we don’t spend every second of our lives worrying about these unthinkable tragedies. We don’t because we can’t. We spend our lives trying our best to make happy, fun memories with our littles. Because we want them to live and enjoy life, even if those lives are short. We want to see their smiles and hear their giggles.

That is exactly what the Graves family was doing on a magical family trip before it all got taken away in one of those horrible life changing seconds. Please remember that before you cast doubt, point a finger of blame or claim this would never happen to your child! Please be kind to parents who are facing horrible things, be kind to the family at the restaurant with the toddler melting down, be understanding to the Mom who can’t get her children to leave the playground without them screaming wildly. Just be kind.

Parenting is hard, it’s exhausting, it’s frustrating. Parenting is a full time job, it doesn’t stop because you’re on vacation and if it does stop you’d give your own life to bring it back.

No Apologies…

Apr25

Happy Monday! I would love to tell you I’m well rested and excited for the week but I’m not! I covered a 12 hour night shift at work on the weekend, had an Epicure party, got our taxes done, had a ton of things to do and generally didn’t take any time to recharge!

I’m hoping next weekend will be a bit different. Friday night I have an Epicure party, Saturday is Epicure’s Big Buisness conference and also my Birthday!! But Sunday I’m keeping open for some quiet time!!

So you’re probably wondering how my week went in terms of healthy living! Well this morning I weighed myself and I’m down 2 pounds! I’m happy with that because I know slow and steady truly does get things done!

My successes last week were definitely meal preping for my at work meals, increasing my water intake, and better portioning.

I was challenged with eating on the weekend because I didn’t prep. As much as I’d like to wing the weekends I don’t think that’s an option for me. I do best when I’ve thought things through and planned for my day. I’m going to try preping lunches and breakfasts for the weekend Thursday night this week.

I allowed myself a cheat snack on Friday and a cheat meal yesterday morning of pancakes and sausage. It was yummy. I’ve also been having 10 chocolate chips once a day to keep the cravings under control! So far so good! I refuse to fully deny myself of the things I love because I know that will lead to a full on binge.

I was happy to get in some good walks this past week and a few mini at home workouts. My goal is to get to the gym 3 times this week! I find getting to the gym since having Jacob is extremely tough for me but I acknowledge I need to make it a priority!

I wore my Fitbit a few days last week and I truly hate how it rubs my wrist! I need to get a different band if I want to wear it frequently.

I’ve included a few photos of my food choices and pictures from my walks! I’m trying to decide if I want to update daily or weekly! So many choices!

Here’s The Truth…

Apr17

227 pounds.

I said it. I wrote it. I own it.

Mostly I want to change it.

Last month I weighed myself and weighed 224 pounds. The number repeated itself in my head all day and the days following. I considered writing about that number but at some point I changed my mind. I ate well for a few days and then went right back to how it’s been for too long.

I’ve never openly posted my weight. I’ve never openly told anyone “my numbers”. Last time I had a major lifestyle change I talked about how much I lost but never exactly where I started! I was 228 pounds the day I walked into Weight watchers back in 2011. I lost over 50 pounds on that journey. 228 pounds… The heaviest I’ve ever been! Today I’m 1 pound below the heaviest I’ve ever been. I let that sink in all day today.

It’s time for a change. I want to change. I’m not even going to post my list of excuses about why I have gained weight. I am however going to tell you I have too much respect for my body and what it’s capable of to keep treating it this poorly!

Those of you who follow my Instagram, blog, Facebook or who know me personally know the food you see is in fact the “healthy food” I eat. It’s not even the baking I post that’s the issue. I honestly don’t eat 99% of what I bake. I give it away. What you don’t see is the chocolate. You don’t see the double cheeseburger I grab (frequently) in the drive thru because I haven’t made healthy choices a priority.

You don’t see the night time binge eating.

I don’t have a hashtag for hey guys I ate an entire box of Purdys…. Again!

I don’t share those things but it obvious as I continue to get bigger.

My body deserves better than this.

My body gave me a beautiful son and I want to have this under control before my poor habits damage his ability to know what healthy really means!

My body (and my persistence) carried me across the finish line of a 1/2 marathon.

My body carries me through my days and my life.

My body truly deserves better and right now is the first minute of better!

This isn’t just about the number on the scale. This is about so much more. It’s about finding myself, loving myself and treating myself the way I deserve to be treated.

Peanut butter Banana Muffins

Mar24

I love Epicure delivery days!! Especially when there is a new toy in the box for me!! Today I received my new silicone perfect portion muffin tray and of course had to take it for a test bake!!

I wanted to use up some spotty bananas but also wanted a bit of nutrition! I came up with these delicious little numbers packed with extra goodness thanks to a couple of scoops of Epicure’s enhanced nutrition Cocoa crunch sprinkles!