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Thankful Thursday Week 3/52

Jan16

My Thankful thoughts tonight are simple. I’m Thankful my little family is all together under the same roof, warm, safe.

The weather the last few days is usually the type of weather that is panic inducing and stressful for me. As a nurse taking a snow day is often met with employer pushback and irritation. I mean I totally understand why, any healthcare role is a vital role but this week because I’m off work it was pleasant and easy. I know that I’m extremely fortunate to be laying in a warm bed with my child snuggled up to one side and my dog snuggled up to the other. While the faint sounds of the tv down the hall sneak in from whatever show my husband is watching as he enjoys some peaceful quiet time to himself.

With the recognition and realization of how lucky we are I’ve also thought a lot about what it would be like to be out there in this weather with no place to go. The only word I can come up with is terrifying. Terrifying and cold.

Over the holidays there was so many opportunities to giveback, to donate, lend a hand. Now that many of us are settled back in to the day to day of mid January it’s easy to overlook those fundraisers or food drives. So tonight I’m asking you to join us and take a few minutes this weekend and take a peek through your closets or storage, find those winter jackets, boots, unneeded blankets and drop them off at your local shelter. This winter is far from over and you never know, you might be saving a life. ❤️

Coldest Night Cloverdale/Surrey

Snow day Salted Chocolate Chip Cookies

Jan16

So it’s really cold and snowy here the last few days! Which is not typical for our location but it does happen maybe once or twice a year! We usually cancel any plans and appointments and just hunker down at home until it passes! Yesterday We made cinnamon rolls & bacon and enjoyed a family weekend brunch on a Wednesday! Snow days aren’t so bad!

Early this morning Jacob and I took to the kitchen to fulfill hubby’s request for chocolate chip cookies! Now anyone who knows me knows for the past 15 years I’ve stuck to (and been famous for) these Chocolate chip cookies. Now last summer Kevin bought me Joanna Gaines cookbook Magnolia Table and I’ve been obsessed with her chocolate chip cookies!

I pretty much follow her recipe exactly except I use a full tablespoon of real vanilla and sprinkle the tops with chunky sea salt when they come out of the oven! I also add chunks of good quality melting chocolate to each cookie prior to baking! Trust me you can’t go wrong with pools of melted chocolate! For the chocolate chips themselves I use a mix of regular size and mini chips! I find it gives the cookie these amazing caverns of chocolate!!

If you want to try these yourselves but don’t have the cook book you can find the recipe Here.

If you do try these please let me know what you think! Or any changes you’ve made! The recipe itself minus the chocolate chips makes an amazing cookie base for your creations! At Christmas time I used this recipe with white chocolate chips, cranberries, and a pinch of cinnamon! So delicious!

Thankful Thursday – Week 2/52

Jan9

Happy Thursday friends!! How’s everyone holding up through the first full week of 2020? We’re doing ok! It’s a bit of a hurry up and wait week for us as we edge our way towards Friday and a very important meeting! More about that in a week or so.

We are slowly falling back into a schedule now that Christmas is over. We’ve started back to the gym and Jacob’s next set of swimming lessons has started. It’s nice to have a bit of routine back. I mean we still lack serious routine because I’m not back to work but still more then we had in December.

So another Thursday which means Thankful Thursday! This week I’m grateful for the little moments I get to share with Jacob.

This child is 55 pounds of cuddle monster! He incredibly sensitive and instinctively seems to know when someone needs a bit of love.

Yesterday he and I had a little lunch date at the mall before his swimming lessons and he was so happy to just chat and chat! He always makes me laugh. We also checked out the new City LEGO at Toys R Us and of course he picked out his favourites.

He is my why. He is my little king. He makes me a better person and because of him I hold it all together even when I think I can’t. ❤️

Thankful Thursday Week 1/52

Jan2

The first thankful Thursday of 2020! I’ve been thinking all day what I wanted to share tonight as my Thankful Thursday topic.

Practicing gratitude is definitely something I try to do daily and especially when I’m feeling off. Spoiler alert, I’m feeling very off today!

So today I’m thankful for quiet, rainy afternoon runs to Starbucks! I know that may sound frivolous and spoiled but sometimes it’s nice to take a few minutes out of the day to reset and quiet my brain!

What are you thankful for today?

Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn’t want to talk…

Jan2

2020 …. How did that happen? Wasn’t it just 2010? Didn’t I just start nursing? Get married? Become a mother? How did 10? 20? Years go by so fast?

I’ve got very little advice to offer at this point other then to be weary of people in the darkness who hold flashlights. Not everyone drawing you towards them wants to help you.

Everything Is Something….

Nov5

Except sometimes your something isn’t (and doesn’t need to be) everyone else’s everything.

I’m so incredibly thankful to be Canadian. To live in a country that allows me the freedoms to live my life however I deem fit!! For that all my respect and love goes out to honour and remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifices to provide us those freedoms.

Remembrance day is, was, and always will be deeply meaningful to me.

The fact we put up some of our Christmas decorations this weekend does not in any way diminish the respect I have for all of those who have and continue to serve this great country so that me and my family can continue to live in peace and make our own choices about how and when we choose to do things.

This weekend I had a number of strong opinions and snarky remarks thrown at me because I chose to share Jacob and I’s excitement over our Christmas decorations and baking Christmas cookies. I was told I’m “disrespectful” and that I don’t honour the soldiers that fought for our country. I was told that decorating prior to November 12th is “unnecessary” and “ridiculous”.

At first I was really annoyed but the more I thought about it the more I really started to think about the connotations of the words and insults being hurled all over social media at those who choose to get festive early.

My stance on this is simple, I don’t tell others adults how to run their lives, how to raise their kids, when to go to bed, what to eat for dinner, etc. So I can’t wrap my head around why all of the sudden people are wanting to take away freedom of choice from people. The very thing so many have and continue to fight and die for. Freedom.

Let that sink in.

We all live in this amazing country. We all have rights to celebrate, practice religion, wear what we want, eat what we want, marry who ever we want. But yet many still feel the need to force their opinions and beliefs on others. To feel the need to talk down to others who don’t do life like they do.

It hit me. This isn’t about the Remembrance Day/Christmas decoration issue. This goes far deeper. This is about people who can’t help but want others to live like they do. People who want to engrain their beliefs on to others without actually realizing that they are using methods of shame, ridicule, and embarrassment to do so.

That’s a scary path when you really think about it.

At the end of the day I’ve realized I know who I am, I know what makes me happy, I know where my respect and my honour lies. I know what Remembrance Day means to me and I know a few Christmas decorations aren’t strong enough to take any of that away from me.

Tuesday Turnaround 

Oct9

Happy Belated Thanksgiving Canadian friends!  

I hope everyone got to take a few minutes this past weekend to give thanks for the things in their life! I was lucky enough to get two turkey dinners. One with Kevin’s Family and one with my sister in laws family.  Both were delicious and I definitely feel like I should probably eat a big salad for dinner tonight! 

I’m extremely Thankful for many things but the last couple days I feel foggy. I need to get my head clear. I’m not sure how to do that or what I need but I definitely feel I need some quiet “me time”.  Jacob is currently going through a phase that is testing my whole being. 

This photo was taken after he had his first real MAJOR public meltdown! He lost it at the pumpkin patch on Saturday and in hindsight I should of seen it coming because he had a full and exciting few days prior to Saturday. Yesterday morning he was incredibly upset when it was time for me to go to work. When I arrive home he instantly turned into a head strong little tyrant and it didn’t stop until he fell asleep on the couch at bedtime! Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s exhausting and demanding. I love him ferociously but sometimes I have to remind myself that he’s just a child and no matter how strong my emotions are dealing with all this his are just as strong and he doesn’t yet have the tools to deal with these big emotions. 

So my goal for today is to turn it all around. I definitely need to get my head together and just breathe. Let’s hope Jacob can get on bored. 

Easy Like Sunday Morning…

Sep9

Easy my ass! I’ve been laying here awake since 5:30 am (it’s now 7:18am) and I’m yet to get up because I don’t want to wake up Jacob! We can’t have another early morning for him because early mornings lead to ridiculously cranky afternoon and meltdown evenings! So for now I lay here and be thankful for my phone and the internet! The past few days have been tough because Jacob and I have both had a cold. It never fails that I get afflicted with sickness in early September. I took Friday off work and spent the day in my pj’s. It was a much needed day of rest. Saturday was much the same but we did venture to get groceries and got some fresh air out on our patio briefly. I feel like this time of year is my planning time. Planning the rest of the year! Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas, etc. I love Fall. The colours, the crisp leaves, the leggings, hoodies, boots! The pumpkins, the food! Speaking of food! Jacob and I baked this lovely banana bread yesterday morning. The recipe can be found HERE. He absolutely loves baking! He asks every weekend if we can bake! He loves to share his (our) creations. Yesterday he took half the banana bread to Grandma and Grandpa and shared the rest with his cousins. He pretty much melts my heart daily. Well my friends I’m going to be brave and attempt to sneak out of bed (only because I really have to pee). Stick around this week as I’m planning on sharing/reviewing some new Epicure products as well hopefully sharing a post on the CSA box we’ve been getting all summer!

Broken 

Jun9

I think my heart is broken. 

I think I’ve hit a point where everything is just too much. 

It’s not one specific thing, it’s the cumulative effect of all the little things (and a few big things). 

I don’t remember how to let go anymore, I don’t remember how to shake the weight from my shoulders. I don’t remember what it feels like to not be responsible for everything all the time. 

So far 2018 has been a roll with the punches and try to stay standing sort of endeavour. Work, home, life… Major changes almost weekly it seems.

My work hours have changed 3 times in 4 months. I went from working 28 hours a week to working a 40 hour 4 day line. Then I went to 48 hour 4 day line. Now I’m doing a 40 hour 5 day line. I held the hand of dying man who I adored. Ive held back tears. I’ve felt the sting of coworkers hating on me because I was the staff left standing with a job when the dust settled.  I’ve done my best to adjust and be thankful that I have a job to provide for my family. 

I’ve noticed these fine lines around my eyes and mouth. I’ve notice the ever increasing number of grey hairs sneaking through my once glorious hair. I’ve noticed I no longer make eye contact with people when I have to go out in public. Is this an age thing? 36? Is it the age where I’ve decided to get old? Or am I really just tired of people? 

I recently took part in a conversation where a young mom said that people who “drop their friends” because of marriage, kids, work etc are flaky.  I’m not flaky, I’m exhausted. I don’t think anyone sets out to drop their friends when adult life takes over but life priorities really do cause you (well me) to see my friends less.  I’d love to see my friends weekly but with only two days off a week and 1400 things to get done how do I do this? If you know how please tell me. 

I’ve noticed that my needs and well-being come last. I don’t prioritize myself because by the time everything and everyone else is taken care of the day is done. 

I’ve noticed I’ve had to justify more things to people who I actually thought were concerned and cared. 

I don’t think this is what a normal adult life is supposed to be like? I’m not feeling sorry for myself I’m just putting into words how I feel. But then again I’m not sure why I’m even trying to justify my words and feelings by adding that.

Sometimes I get this glimmer of something that reminds me I’m a bad ass! Something that reminds me that I should be proud of myself for holding it together, doing everything I can to provide for my son and disabled husband. Sometimes I watch as Jacob loves life and I forget I’m dying inside. 

Maybe it’s not my heart that’s broken maybe it’s my soul. 

It Could Have Been Me…

Jun16

It could have been you. Anyone of us Mothers could be feeling the absolute heartbreak Melissa Graves is feeling right now.  The numbness, the regret, the blame, the devistation. 

None of us are immune to tragedy. None of us can see the future.  None of us know if the last hug or frustrated sigh over uneaten dinner will be the last. None of us know when our number is up. 

None of us are perfect parents. Not a single one of us can claim we have never taken our eyes off our child for a split second. Not a single parent alive can pretend that in a brief second, one horrible life changing second couldn’t destroy our lives and take our baby away forever. Because deep down we know it could it. Things happen. Horrible, unthinkable things…accidents happen. 

Accidents happen. Think about that for a second. Then remember why we don’t spend every second of our lives worrying about these unthinkable tragedies. We don’t because we can’t. We spend our lives trying our best to make happy, fun memories with our littles. Because we want them to live and enjoy life, even if those lives are short. We want to see their smiles and hear their giggles.

That is exactly what the Graves family was doing on a magical family trip before it all got taken away in one of those horrible life changing seconds. Please remember that before you cast doubt, point a finger of blame or claim this would never happen to your child!  Please be kind to parents who are facing horrible things, be kind to the family at the restaurant with the toddler melting down, be understanding to the Mom who can’t get her children to leave the playground without them screaming wildly. Just be kind.

Parenting is hard, it’s exhausting, it’s frustrating. Parenting is a full time job, it doesn’t stop because you’re on vacation and if it does stop you’d give your own life to bring it back.