Tag Archive | Life

Here’s The Truth…

227 pounds.

I said it. I wrote it. I own it.

Mostly I want to change it.

Last month I weighed myself and weighed 224 pounds. The number repeated itself in my head all day and the days following. I considered writing about that number but at some point I changed my mind. I ate well for a few days and then went right back to how it’s been for too long.

I’ve never openly posted my weight. I’ve never openly told anyone “my numbers”. Last time I had a major lifestyle change I talked about how much I lost but never exactly where I started! I was 228 pounds the day I walked into Weight watchers back in 2011. I lost over 50 pounds on that journey. 228 pounds… The heaviest I’ve ever been! Today I’m 1 pound below the heaviest I’ve ever been. I let that sink in all day today.

It’s time for a change. I want to change. I’m not even going to post my list of excuses about why I have gained weight. I am however going to tell you I have too much respect for my body and what it’s capable of to keep treating it this poorly!

Those of you who follow my Instagram, blog, Facebook or who know me personally know the food you see is in fact the “healthy food” I eat. It’s not even the baking I post that’s the issue. I honestly don’t eat 99% of what I bake. I give it away. What you don’t see is the chocolate. You don’t see the double cheeseburger I grab (frequently) in the drive thru because I haven’t made healthy choices a priority.

You don’t see the night time binge eating.

I don’t have a hashtag for hey guys I ate an entire box of Purdys…. Again!

I don’t share those things but it obvious as I continue to get bigger.

My body deserves better than this.

My body gave me a beautiful son and I want to have this under control before my poor habits damage his ability to know what healthy really means!

My body (and my persistence) carried me across the finish line of a 1/2 marathon.

My body carries me through my days and my life.

My body truly deserves better and right now is the first minute of better!

This isn’t just about the number on the scale. This is about so much more. It’s about finding myself, loving myself and treating myself the way I deserve to be treated.

‘Twas The Week Before Christmas…

Dec19

I know we are all busy this week! Busy seems to be a common thread that ties us all together in the chaos.

I made sure to take time this week for a few important (to me) moments. A few little things that remind me of what this season is all about. Giving, sharing, and enjoying the simple things!

This week I made a point of supporting local businesses and home based business as much as possible! While I shop local as much as possible all year long this week I treated myself to beautiful handmade bracelet by a local artisan, Eva. I bought our cases of Christmas wine from The GrapeVine in Abbotsford. We bought our gorgeous Christmas tree from an Aldergrove family farm. We got our eggs from a nearby farm and made sure to recommend local options to friends and family seeking advice on their purchases. If we all made a point of trying to support home based business, local farmers and our local communities amazing things could happen!

This week I was also fourtune enough to get to spend an evening with some of my amazing girlfriends. We had a fun little cookie swap at my house! We all baked a different kind of cookie and gathered for some snacks, some mulled Apple cider and some much needed relaxing together! It’s tough to get a group together these days but in the last few months I’ve really found my groove of organizing little events. That paired with my friends being extremely supportive of my Epicure adventure I’ve been very blessed with their presence.

Giving…I try my hardest all year to share. I try to share my time, my love, anything I can to help others. I believe a little giving goes a long way. Many people think giving has to be monetary but it doesn’t. It can be time, support, kind words, advice, anything. Every Christmas we try to help somewhere, some how. This week a local need in our own neighborhood was brought to my attention and we made our choice to give our Christmas giving to that cause. It’s not a secret this year has been a tough one for my little family given my health issue and Kevin’s injury so it really made me happy to be able to do something for someone else. I’m not going into detail because I don’t want praise. It’s simply a reminder to myself that even when things are tough I am truly blessed.

I think this week I really made a point of being present, being hopeful, and embracing things.

I love this time of year but this year feels different. It feels like the first time ❤️

It’s Been Awhile…

May21

So my little man is 15 weeks old as of yesterday. I’m not sure where the last four months have gone, but wow. Being a Mom is the most amazing experience ever. Everyday this little boy makes me smile, makes me think, and teaches me something. Some moments are hard and frustrating, I won’t lie to you! But when Jacob looks at me and smiles all the hard goes away. Being a Mom has taught me so much already and has changed the very essence of who I am.

My life is currently nothing like I expected it to be at this point. When I was pregnant and thinking about life with a newborn I had all these ideas of how our days would go! I thought we’d have a schedule, you know… A bed time, bath time, nap time, play time, meal times! That Id have a set time to go to the gym for a little me time. I figured by mid May Id be well on my way with Seawheeze training! I was vastly unprepared for this new life!! I didn’t take my health issues into concern when I day dreamed about my new picture perfect Mommy adventure!! I don’t know why it never crossed my mind that throwing up for nine months straight due to Hypermesiss would leave my body with some fallout and battle wounds. It never hit me my recovery would be the same side effects as that of bulimics. I definitely didn’t think my husband would be in a horrible car accident a month prior to our sons birth leaving him with spine damage and unable to work and more importantly unable to hold his son without pain.

My health has been a constant issue since I gave birth. I was in labor for 36 hours, 16 of those being hard, active labor. I’m told I handled it like a rock star! It was a natural no pain killer sort of showdown. I had my family, Kevin’s parents and my best friend there for the big event. Yes in the room with us, because being pregnant gave me this big emotional feeling of how important family togetherness is!! Fyi that feeling is gone now! It wasn’t until the weeks following birth that I realized something wasn’t right. I quickly realized I needed to see a doctor. I learned I had partially retained the placenta. It was weeks of back and forth with the surgeon, ultrasounds, special medication. I see my doctor again today and I’m guessing another ultrasound. I also quickly realized after giving birth that I wasn’t producing Breastmilk. After two full exhausting months of pills, pumping, supplements, lactation consultants, Brewers yeast, massage, tea, lactation cookies, and tears I gave up. I couldn’t mentally or physically put myself through 7 pumps a day to collect a total of 1 oz of Breastmilk. In the end they chalked the poor production up to the fact I was in starvation mode for 9 months due to the hypermesis. I was extremely malnourished and my body was fighting to keep me alive rendering it unable to produce milk. It was disappointing to be unable to provide my child with nourishment. I cried a lot until I became vocal in the topic. All the sudden I had other women quietly coming to me and confiding they didn’t produce either! This isn’t an uncommon thing! It’s just not talked about and that is sad! No new Mom should be left thinking it’s her fault her body won’t produce milk!

My little formula fed baby is growing, developing, learning, and stealing hearts everyday! I no longer feel any shame about him being formula fed, or my choice to accept the fact my body wasn’t going to produce no matter how hard I tried.

As for the other health issues, well it’s a day to day battle. Between the lupus pain returning post pregnancy and the fact my body is still in starvation/survival mode. The stomach issues, weight gain, anemia, extreme body pain, etc are everyday battles and I try my best to stay positive and trudge through them. All of these things are exasperated for me by the stress of Kevin’s injury.

His car accident happened on New Year’s Eve. We spent New Years in the ER and he’s been in pain ever since. I don’t really want to go into detail at this point but watching him grimace in pain trying to hold his son breaks my heart.

I took this photo yesterday when we took Jacob to the river to enjoy the sunshine. I love this picture because it captures Kevin’s happiness being a Father, but it breaks my heart because I know how much pain he’s in and it’s not fair.

Life is constantly changing, thankfully I know to embrace the little moments.

One of my goals is to get back to blogging on a regular basis. I definitely let it fall off the map during my pregnancy. Writing is therapeutic for me. Plus reviewing local places was a lot of fun, and we enjoyed the perks that came with discovering these hidden gems! I’ve had many people tell me they miss my recipe posts as well. I’m going to do my best to get back to it. Yesterday we checked out opening day of The Langley farmers market and visited Derby Reach park! Last week Emma and I got to see the baby animals at the Cloverdale rodeo up close and personal. These things remind me how much I love BC and I hope to get back to sharing my life with you! Our adventures, local reviews, food and wine!!! Until I get knocked up again 😉

Thankful Thursday ~ November 7

Nov7

I recently heard some good advice and it really struck a cord with me. There is no harder there is just hard! Stop trying to convey to people why your life is harder than theirs. It isn’t a contest! Stop living in a world where you are constantly comparing yourself to others. Just live and for the love of God don’t apologize to anyone for being true to yourself!

None of us can actually live in anyone else’s shoes so we can’t ever truly understand how things wear on anyone else. This doesn’t mean we can’t be empathetic and caring. What it does mean is that you have no right to tell someone your hard is harder then their hard!

At the same time realize that being empathetic means not comparing apples to oranges! Don’t tell someone who just had their leg amputated that you know how they feel because last summer you broke your leg! Don’t pretend to have all the answers to a situation you know nothing about.

Don’t throw stones in your house of glass because eventually you will find yourself standing in the cold all alone!

Don’t lie or twist a story to make yourself a hero , eventually your true colors will be glaringly obvious to everyone else even if you are still blind to them!

You maybe wondering what all of this has to do with Thankful Thursday! Well tonight I would like to tell you how thankful I am that I’ve learned to be true to myself.

I am thankful that I am not a door mat for others. I am thankful I have enough self worth to stand up for my beliefs and challenge those who try to make me feel like less of a person!

I am thankful I am who I am. I am unapologetic for being me! I love me and while I know I am not perfect I do not need to justify myself to anyone! I know I am far from perfect and that is okay because anyone who is real admits they aren’t perfect.

I am thankful that my self-worth is strong enough to weather the storms of life and that my character is strong enough to stand up for what is right and apologize to those I have harmed unnecessarily. I refuse to be a pawn in anyone else’s dirty games! I respect myself enough to walk away from toxic people and situations and not look back.

Live with purpose not with malice and remember others may cast stones about you but their words cannot take away your truths. Their opinions of you don’t make you, your opinions of you make you.

Thankful Thursday ~ Oct 24

Oct24

So despite the fact that last night and today have been “bad” days in terms of my pain level, I still took time to reflect on what I’m thankful for.

I am Thankful that I live in an area that is surround with so much natural beauty! We have the ocean, mountains, vast farm land, lakes, and a gorgeous city all within driving distance of our door.

Today despite the pain we went to Campbell valley park to stretch our legs. Muffin was getting restless and I definitely had a major mood outburst earlier in the day so it was evident fresh air was needed!

I love Campbell valley park. I wrote a blog post earlier in the year about the proposed changes a racing group were trying to implement in the park. You can read that post Here

I am insanely thankful that proposal was shot down and the park remains as a gorgeous, tranquil, peaceful haven. As I’ve said before this park is one of my favorite places.

I always feel calmer and happier after a walk, run, or ride through this amazing park! Today was no different, I loved it!

Seattle 2013

Oct19

Last month we took a trip to Seattle and I loved every minute of it!!! I loved the architecture, the food, the sights, the sounds and the Seahawks!! I have tried to write this post a few times and can never do my experience justice!! It was an amazing trip and I am already longing to return to that beautiful city!!

We took in so many amazing things while we were there! We visited Pike place market daily, took in the views from the space needle, went to watch the Seahawks kick ass and the Mariners try their hardest! I was enthralled with the gorgeousness that is Seattle center park. The Chihuly glass was stunning and the aquarium stole my heart! I really can’t even put into words how much I loved Seattle and how much I enjoyed my time with Kevin and his parents!

What I can tell you is how amazing the food was!! I had done some research prior to going and was informed by other bloggers that I had to try the macaroni and cheese at Beechers!!! Ummm they were correct! If it’s one thing bloggers know it’s food!!

The secret to Beechers amazing pasta offering is the homemade cheese! You can actually watch them make the cheese while you stand in line! Don’t let the line discourage you! It’s worth the wait and the calories!!

Beechers is located at Pike place market a few doors down from the first Starbucks location!! If you know me at all you know how excited I was to visit that particular Starbucks location! Again don’t let the line discourage you it moves rather quickly but if you can plan a weekday visit there won’t be much of a line to contend with.

I’m not sure if it was the best skinny,half sweet iced caramel macchiato I’ve ever had because the baristas at that location are pro or if because I was on a vacation high! Either way it was worth the line and I happily remember my visit each time I use my prized mugs I bought at the first Starbucks location ever!! Yes I’m that girl 😉

We tried many nibbles of delectable offerings at the market but the mini donuts from A Daily Dozen at Pike place hold a special place in my heart and on my thighs! If I lived in Seattle my proximity to those little donuts would cause me health issues I assure you!

They put those suckers in a brown paper bag to hide your addiction like an alcoholic would hide his bottle!!! My inner fat girl longs for more paper bag shame!!!!

The sights of Pike place market are amazing. The flowers, the fish, the fruits and veggies, the gum wall!! I don’t even know where to begin! We spent hours and hours there and it wasn’t enough.

We decided to take in the views from some higher places and took a ride on the massive Ferris Wheel on the board walk! Such a neat experience and I was very proud of Mom for taking the ride despite her feelings about heights!

While the views from the Ferris wheel were amazing they were not as amazing as those from the top of the Space needle. If you do one thing in Seattle eat the Mac and cheese! If you do two, go up the Space needle and sip an overpriced glass of wine while you marvel over the stunning view of this amazing city!

We had the pleasure if visiting the Aquarium while we were there and of course I adored that!! There were otters and otters are on my list of things I
love!!!!

Being married to a McGavin man means you have to be a Seahawks fan! It’s not debatable and when you go to a game with the boys you have to cheer with all you’ve got! I also had a team inspired pedicure which I am certain helped them win! It isn’t hard to get into the Seahawks spirit when you are in Seattle! You make friends and get high fived just for sporting team gear. It is impossible not to get sucked into the hype at a game when surrounded by cheering fans and fueled by garlic fries. The Seahawks game was by far the coolest sporting event I’ve ever been to.. And don’t tell Kevin but I kinda like watching games with him now!

After experiencing a Sunday night Seahawks game the Monday nights Mariners game was much quieter but still an awesome experience I fully enjoyed!

I could go on for hours telling you all about our trip and my new found love of the city. I could tell you about early morning swims, beer tastings at the brewery, the antique shop, the wine, the best ranch dressing I’ve ever tasted, the game of chicken we played with the fountain, and the love I have found being part of Kevin’s family. I once again feel this post doesn’t even begin to touch on the amazingness I experienced while in Seattle. If you ever get the chance to take in that beautiful, inspiring city do it. Seattle doesn’t disappoint. The food, the views, the people, the Seahawks, all amazing!

Thankful Thursday ~ October 17

Oct17

Good evening folks!

Wow this week has been an experience! I didn’t realize how much getting laid off would affect me. I don’t me negatively, I simply mean all the thinking and contemplating it has brought about for me. As most if my friends and family know I am very stubborn and I like having control. Sometimes in life you learn the most when you can’t have control of a situation!

This week I am thankful for many things. Some of the things I am thankful for are silly things! Psssttt I’m thankful for the chocolate chip banana muffins from whole-foods!! I’m thankful for being able to shop at Whole-foods! I know right, so petty but honestly sometimes it’s little silly things in life that cause us to reflect the most.

In all honesty this week I am thankful for my husband. Kevin has been extremely supportive and understanding through this journey to the end of my nursing job.

I can’t even verbalize how much easier he has made this time in my life. He had consistently reminded me that things will be fine. He has kept me entertained and has checked up on me when he couldn’t be near me. He has been free with the hugs and has kept me laughing.

I adore my husband and am extremely thankful for the support I find in him.

Thankful Thursday ~ October 10th

Oct10

Hi friends 🙂

While doing the dishes this afternoon I started thinking about the Thankful Thursday post I knew I’d be writing later, all sorts of things ran through my Mind. I thought happily for sometime about all the things I could write about. In fact this past week I found myself being more vocal about what I’m thankful for! Clearly the impact of these blog posts are substantial for me and good for my well-being, and for that I’m thankful.

I could tell you how thankful I am for my fun evening of dinner and shopping with my best friend. Or how thankful I am that Kevin is so supportive. But while I’m very thankful for both these things I am not going to go into detail about them. Instead I’m going to tell you how thankful I am for my body!

That’s right… My body! My thighs touch and my ass is not as firm as I would like! My stomach is not nearly as flat as I wish it was, and my hips hurt me daily!!! I can’t count my abs and sometimes I wish it looked completely different…

BUT

My body is mine and today I realized how thankful I am for all the things I can do with it and how many experiences I am capable of having because of it! While it is far from perfect it is mine, and much like many ladies I don’t appreciate it enough! I will never look like the girls in the magazines and there will never be a gap between my thighs, and that’s just fine!

My body is strong enough to let me enjoy the things I love! It lets me chase my niece and walk my dog. It lets me go to the gym most days. It lets me experience adventure and gaze upon all the things that bring me wonder and joy.

This past summer my legs carried me to the top of a mountain and my eyes let me take in the most stunning views of a gorgeous lake and an amazing forest. My nose let me smell the smokey campfire I cuddled around with my husband and my little bitty love of a dog! My taste buds let me experience melted chocolate and roasted marshmallow on a crisp cookie.

Everyday my arms let me hug those I love. My hands let me touch the things i hold dear. My blue eyes sparkle when I watch the birds and see my Muffin playing happily. My long hair falls softly around my face and comforts me. My legs are insanely strong, long, and beautiful. My hands are small but productive. My feet are perhaps my favorite body part.

Last Saturday my body carried me through 5km of fun. I laughed, I smiled, I winced in pain but I experienced every inch of that race and every breath because of the body I am blessed with. Sometimes my body surprises me. Sometimes I am shocked at my own strength or how pretty certain parts of me are.

I’ve seen the lights of Vegas, I’ve dipped my toes in both oceans in this gorgeous country because of my body. I’ve held the hand of a dying man and brought a little comfort to his final hours. I’ve stolen kisses with these lips that I will never forget or regret. Ive dug my toes into the sand and I’ve ran my hands over my favorite spot on a man I loved with every fiber of my being. I’m certain I’ve felt my heart break in two then slowly heal itself with time and experiences. I’ve wiped away tears, mine and those of others.

My hands have saved lives and my eyes have watched as my words and actions have broken hearts.

I am who I am and my life is mine to experience and this body is my vessel to live this life in. I am thankful for all the things it can do and while it works I’m going to keep using it as much as I can.

Thankful Thursday ~ October 3

Oct3

Hope everyone had a great Thursday! Mine was productively busy.

My friend Angie has been doing “Thankful Thursday” posts now for a few weeks and thought I’d jump on board! You can check out her Thankful post Here!! PS she’s kinda awesome!!

So tonight after I got home from the gym I spent some time thinking about all the things I’m thankful and let me tell you the list is vast and varied! So I’ve picked a few random ones to share with you!

1) I am thankful for Emma. She is turning into such a little grown up! This week we have been having tea together and trying all the different David’s teas we picked up on our shopping trip last Sunday. Our favorite is currently Birthday cake.

2) I am thankful to live in a country and have coverage through Kev’s work that offers me access to medical and dental. Today I put on my big girl pants and went to my dentist appointment without any stress or fear! I met Matt my new hygienist and he’s great, I’m very comfortable with him.

3) I am thankful for having a husband who takes me to do simple things I’m sure he could live without. Today he took me to get my toe nails painted, my eye brows waxed, to subway for lunch, and we wandered around Value Village! It is nice to have company on my little adventures!

4) I am thankful for having the ability to have a well stocked fridge and pantry! I am often insanely indecisive about food and having many options is nice.

5) I am thankful for the smells and sights of autumn! The leaves are so gorgeous and the sunshine today was amazing!! The air has a fresh crisp scent and I love the cozy feeling this time of year brings!!

I could keep going but it’s time for some Muffin snuggles!!!

What are you Thankful for today friends?

“Surrender”

Oct1

Surrendering and quitting are not the same thing. Surrendering is not always a sign of giving up. Sometimes surrendering is a sign of intelligence and strength. A sign that you’ve accepted when enough is enough.

I’ve been absent on the blog front lately and I am sorry for that. I’ve been wrapping my head around some major life changes that are in my very near future! For starters I only have about eight more shifts at work before I’m laid off. It is a very surreal feeling, I’ve worked here for almost 5 years and my job is a huge part of my life. On some levels being a nurse defines who I am. But I’ve realized recently I’m more then a nurse and sometimes in life you have to step back and not only accept change but embrace it.

I see this lay off as blessing in disguise. A chance for me to slow down and catch my breath so to speak. A little me time, a little life exploration.

You really never know what’s around the next corner in life but all any of us can do is face it!

I have lots of Fall inspired recipes to post this month and a quick recap of our amazing trip to Seattle!

I look forward to having more time soon and sharing more of my life with you and catching up on yours!!

Life With The McGavins

100% Not Sugar Coated