I’m so ready to embrace Fall and all it has to offer. Cozy moments, cinnamon and pumpkin wafting through the air. Cooler temperatures, holidays I love, colorful leaves, crunchy walks and that golden glow.
If I’m being completely honest, something feels different this year. Letting go of the summer season is making me a little bit heartsick. Not because I’m sad summer is ending but because I know we are on the verge of saying goodbye to Jacob’s childhood. I know by next summer he’ll be even more independent and taking on even more moments without me by his side.
I know this progression is inevitable and is needed for him to grow into a strong and independent young man but honestly it still stings. It makes the pit of my stomach feel tight. It makes my body do that quick tingle of terror. It makes me want to cry for just a minute before pulling myself together and carrying on.
For the life of me I can’t believe any of this has gone by so fast.
Some days I just hold on to him for a moment and breathe him in. I tell him I love him, tell him how lucky I am to be his Mom. I tell him it’s the greatest job I’ve ever had. I just need him beside me sometimes.
Nobody said motherhood would be easy but nobody said it would be this hard.
I didn’t expect the end of a summer to gut punch me because the reality of how quickly it’s all going would settle in my throat and make it hard to breathe.
He’s growing up way too fast.
So tonight I’ll quietly look at the moments of this summer. Moments forever frozen in time. Photos that make me smile but also make me feel the sting of time gone.
The more I try to soak in that summer sun the faster it all slips through the cracks in the winter ice.
