Tag Archive | Life

You Do What You Have To Do

Feb15

It’s been 179 days since I stood up and walked away from an abusive employer. It’s taken me most of those to stop feeling guilty for leaving the patients and taking care of my own wellbeing.

It’s been 1872 days since the accident that took away the way of life my husband and I knew .

It’s been 1837 days since I’ve become a Mom.

It’s been 37 days since we “settled” with ICBC.

In all those days I haven’t found myself but honestly I haven’t really looked. I haven’t really known where to look or how to look. What I do know is I sort of feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel instead of another dark tunnel.

My only thought is “Baby run!” Don’t run away from it run towards it! Run, embrace it. There is no shortcut.

This is the first time in over 5 years that for some reason it feels like I just got a breathe of spring.

Embrace it Erica, better days are here.

Thankful Thursday Week 7/52

Feb13

Okay I don’t think I’ve taken a breath since last Thursday! Jacob’s party was amazing! He was surrounded by friends and family all weekend and it was delightful. He got dinner with his Grandma & Poppa Friday night and then dinner and a swim with his Poppa on Tuesday evening!

We started the house renovations this week! Entrance way is empty and the ceiling is painted! We ordered the new kitchen cabinets, countertops and beautiful farmhouse sink! I’m so excited!

So tonight I’m thankful for new beginnings and fresh starts! It’s so easy to become stuck with the same old situations and surroundings but renovating has reminded me that if you’re willing to do a bit of hard work things really do change!

Thankful Thursday Week 6/52

Feb6

How are we 6 weeks into 2020? How did Jacob turn 5 this week?!? How is it Thursday again?!!

The last week has been super busy for us. We bought a brand new truck, officially started home renovations and celebrated Jacob’s birthday!

I really can’t wrap my head around the fact he is already five!

This week I am thankful for the opportunity to share his birthday with friends and family!! We’ve got a whole Curious George themed party ready to go!!!

Thankful Thursday Week 5/52

Jan31

Happy almost a Friday friends! I’ve had a busy week so far and I don’t see it slowing down anytime soon!!

Despite being busy I managed to get a delicious meal of potato & corn chowder with homemade beer bread on the table for dinner tonight! Even Kevin enjoyed it and he is not a soup guy!!!

How is everyone handling the week so far? Tired? Me too! The rain isn’t helping! Spring is coming though! Right? Right??

So this week I’m thankful to be able to see the rainbows in the storm! Im not good at it 100% of the time, I’m still learning to remind myself to not think the worst all the time. But I’m learning!

Thankful Thursday Week 4/52

Jan23

I don’t have much to say tonight because I’m not ready to go into all the details but I will say that today I’m extremely grateful that Kevin’s check in with his surgeon yesterday confirmed that his healing is coming along very well. I’m also extremely thankful that the settlement has been agreed upon and we can move forward with our lives. ❤️

Three’s A Crowd & We Like It

Jan22

Want to know the one question that can instantly make me cringe? The one question that makes me silently rage and question the question askers logic, and boundaries? The one question that makes me want to walk away from the conversation…

“When are you having baby number two?”

Or really any question in that line of question war fare! If you’re a Mom of one you know the questions I’m referring to!

“Ready to do it all again?”

“Aww you’re not going to make him be an only child are you?”

“Are you going to try for a girl?”

Sometimes they aren’t questions at all. Sometimes they are disguised as (not) clever little quips and remarks!

“Time for a playmate for Jacob”

“You could fit another car seat in there no problem!”

“You aren’t getting any younger!”

“Being an only child isn’t fair”

First off let me say this… if you ask these questions to anyone STOP IT! These questions are exhausting. Having to explain a personal situation or choice is not fun! Having to discuss infertility,loss.personal health issues because someone thinks it’s their right to know your family dynamics is not ok!!

I can’t tell you how many times in the last five years I’ve been asked these questions. In fact the first time I got asked about baby number two was while baby number one was still baking in my uterus!

People are demanding and nosey! Complete strangers seem to worry about my family make up like it somehow affects their wellbeing. This is mind boggling for me. In what world does Jacob being an only child affect anyone but him, Kevin and myself. I guess maybe it could be stretched to say grandparents but both sets of those aren’t suffering in the number department!

Sometimes it takes unexplainable effort to even personally accept that baby number two is never going to happen. Sometimes it takes time. Sometimes it takes a full fledged grieving process to even begin to come to terms with being a Mom to only one baby for whatever the reason is. Sometimes you might morn the loss of a chance gone by or a chance taken away one New Year’s Eve night. And you know what, that’s ok! Coming to terms with things in your own time is your business and you know what no one needs when they are trying to mourn, grieve, cope, celebrate, live??? “Karen” from accounting asking when you’re going to get on having baby number two!

Just don’t! Don’t be the person who thinks they are entitled to someone else’s reproductive life story.

Thankful Thursday Week 3/52

Jan16

My Thankful thoughts tonight are simple. I’m Thankful my little family is all together under the same roof, warm, safe.

The weather the last few days is usually the type of weather that is panic inducing and stressful for me. As a nurse taking a snow day is often met with employer pushback and irritation. I mean I totally understand why, any healthcare role is a vital role but this week because I’m off work it was pleasant and easy. I know that I’m extremely fortunate to be laying in a warm bed with my child snuggled up to one side and my dog snuggled up to the other. While the faint sounds of the tv down the hall sneak in from whatever show my husband is watching as he enjoys some peaceful quiet time to himself.

With the recognition and realization of how lucky we are I’ve also thought a lot about what it would be like to be out there in this weather with no place to go. The only word I can come up with is terrifying. Terrifying and cold.

Over the holidays there was so many opportunities to giveback, to donate, lend a hand. Now that many of us are settled back in to the day to day of mid January it’s easy to overlook those fundraisers or food drives. So tonight I’m asking you to join us and take a few minutes this weekend and take a peek through your closets or storage, find those winter jackets, boots, unneeded blankets and drop them off at your local shelter. This winter is far from over and you never know, you might be saving a life. ❤️

Coldest Night Cloverdale/Surrey

Thankful Thursday Week 1/52

Jan2

The first thankful Thursday of 2020! I’ve been thinking all day what I wanted to share tonight as my Thankful Thursday topic.

Practicing gratitude is definitely something I try to do daily and especially when I’m feeling off. Spoiler alert, I’m feeling very off today!

So today I’m thankful for quiet, rainy afternoon runs to Starbucks! I know that may sound frivolous and spoiled but sometimes it’s nice to take a few minutes out of the day to reset and quiet my brain!

What are you thankful for today?

Everything Is Something….

Nov5

Except sometimes your something isn’t (and doesn’t need to be) everyone else’s everything.

I’m so incredibly thankful to be Canadian. To live in a country that allows me the freedoms to live my life however I deem fit!! For that all my respect and love goes out to honour and remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifices to provide us those freedoms.

Remembrance day is, was, and always will be deeply meaningful to me.

The fact we put up some of our Christmas decorations this weekend does not in any way diminish the respect I have for all of those who have and continue to serve this great country so that me and my family can continue to live in peace and make our own choices about how and when we choose to do things.

This weekend I had a number of strong opinions and snarky remarks thrown at me because I chose to share Jacob and I’s excitement over our Christmas decorations and baking Christmas cookies. I was told I’m “disrespectful” and that I don’t honour the soldiers that fought for our country. I was told that decorating prior to November 12th is “unnecessary” and “ridiculous”.

At first I was really annoyed but the more I thought about it the more I really started to think about the connotations of the words and insults being hurled all over social media at those who choose to get festive early.

My stance on this is simple, I don’t tell others adults how to run their lives, how to raise their kids, when to go to bed, what to eat for dinner, etc. So I can’t wrap my head around why all of the sudden people are wanting to take away freedom of choice from people. The very thing so many have and continue to fight and die for. Freedom.

Let that sink in.

We all live in this amazing country. We all have rights to celebrate, practice religion, wear what we want, eat what we want, marry who ever we want. But yet many still feel the need to force their opinions and beliefs on others. To feel the need to talk down to others who don’t do life like they do.

It hit me. This isn’t about the Remembrance Day/Christmas decoration issue. This goes far deeper. This is about people who can’t help but want others to live like they do. People who want to engrain their beliefs on to others without actually realizing that they are using methods of shame, ridicule, and embarrassment to do so.

That’s a scary path when you really think about it.

At the end of the day I’ve realized I know who I am, I know what makes me happy, I know where my respect and my honour lies. I know what Remembrance Day means to me and I know a few Christmas decorations aren’t strong enough to take any of that away from me.

It Could Have Been Me…

Jun16

It could have been you. Anyone of us Mothers could be feeling the absolute heartbreak Melissa Graves is feeling right now.  The numbness, the regret, the blame, the devistation. 

None of us are immune to tragedy. None of us can see the future.  None of us know if the last hug or frustrated sigh over uneaten dinner will be the last. None of us know when our number is up. 

None of us are perfect parents. Not a single one of us can claim we have never taken our eyes off our child for a split second. Not a single parent alive can pretend that in a brief second, one horrible life changing second couldn’t destroy our lives and take our baby away forever. Because deep down we know it could it. Things happen. Horrible, unthinkable things…accidents happen. 

Accidents happen. Think about that for a second. Then remember why we don’t spend every second of our lives worrying about these unthinkable tragedies. We don’t because we can’t. We spend our lives trying our best to make happy, fun memories with our littles. Because we want them to live and enjoy life, even if those lives are short. We want to see their smiles and hear their giggles.

That is exactly what the Graves family was doing on a magical family trip before it all got taken away in one of those horrible life changing seconds. Please remember that before you cast doubt, point a finger of blame or claim this would never happen to your child!  Please be kind to parents who are facing horrible things, be kind to the family at the restaurant with the toddler melting down, be understanding to the Mom who can’t get her children to leave the playground without them screaming wildly. Just be kind.

Parenting is hard, it’s exhausting, it’s frustrating. Parenting is a full time job, it doesn’t stop because you’re on vacation and if it does stop you’d give your own life to bring it back.