We both showed up 10 minutes early.

She showed up in the passenger seat of our best friend’s car while I showed up alone in a full size Chevy Silverado that I backed into a parking spot. She looked confused but beautiful! I let her know that that particular driving skill terrified us for years and we would once go 3 entire years without driving because of anxiety and fear. Until one day we just said fuck it and did the scary thing! That at 39 years old we’d learn how to really drive with confidence and learn how to back up!

She questioned why I was out alone and I told her that I enjoy being alone sometimes. That I still love being with our friends but I frequently go shopping, for walks, coffee and to the gym alone. She asked if Katie and I were still friends and I told her yes of course! Our kids are friends too and her daughters call our husband Uncle Sasquatch! Baby Katie passed out on the spot!

We ordered our coffee and she side eyed me when I didn’t order fat free milk. I told her that I preferred the flavor of full fat dairy and the extra calories aren’t significant. She sighed in her size 8 lululemons and said “I guess we never lose the weight huh?” I tell her actually we did… we got to goal weight and it did not change how we felt about ourself! I told her at goal weight our body failed and we became the sickest we’d ever been. I told her about the debilitating hip pain, vomiting and the chronic hives. How we almost died during pregnancy from malnutrition…. But then I told her that while running a half marathon at 6 months postpartum I decided the amount of space my body took up on this earth was no longer going to be my constant focus. That yes I’d like to live in a smaller body but starving myself was no longer an option to achieve that. Unfortunately an autoimmune disease would predominantly decided our body shape and size and eventually we’d realized that a functioning pain free body was more important than a small body. I reassured her that we’d do the work and find our self worth and learn to love ourselves for who we are and not the size of our body!

When we went to our table her eyes grew wide as I took off my jacket. “Are those tattoos!?!?” Yes 12 of them! She gasped and I laughed. “I guess with all those you don’t talk to Dad anymore?” I told her not for a few years anyways… Not since he died shortly after mom passed away. She choked back a tear “but were still so young and they are dead”… yes sweet girl they died before we even got our stride as a real grown up but don’t worry we did our absolute best by them. We provided care in their last years and held their hands as they left this world. She stared quietly out the window trying to grasp that news.

She watched as I stood up and warmly embraced a tall well dressed man that had come through the door… “is that our husband? What happened to Shane!!” No sweet girl that’s not our husband, that’s one of our best friends! That particular man will teach you a very important lesson about truly knowing people, trusting your gut and forming your own opinions based on your truths!! It’s very important you double down and embrace that relationship and learning!

As for our husband… it’s not Shane either! We still love Shane…and talk weekly! Our kids are friends too! Our husband tho is the magic … he is a big stoic, husky bearded hunk who lets us away with far too much nonsense but offers us the utmost protection and safety. He is an amazing father and our rock! He lets us hide when the world gets too loud. He’s the kind of man that lets the big hound dog sit at the dinner table only because it makes us happy! He’s not your type…. He’s my type! You’ll understand eventually!

She giggled then sipped her low calorie fat free iced coffee and asked “you keep mentioning a child! I thought we didn’t want kids!” Well they originally told us it was unlikely we’d conceive but the universe had other plans and we have one son and he’s the most amazing gift we have in this life! Tho buckle up buttercup because he’s got your sass and personality! Motherhood is an adventure we didn’t plan for or see coming but don’t worry we’re kinda awesome at it!

She sat quietly for a long time and then asked “Nothing seems to have gone according to my plans…our teaching career must of! Right!?”

Nope! We did not pursue teaching… Psychology actually then nursing. Your life’s work will be providing comfort and support while caring for others but please remember to rest, trust your gut and care for yourself in the process. An awful, scary life event will almost take you out of your line of work and it’s imperative you fight through the darkness because another family needs you years after that assult and they become like family to you.

She sat quietly trying to absorb it all. Before leaving we embraced and she whispered “I think I’ll like being you!”

I held her close and reminded her not to rush it, enjoy every stage of this life, even when it seems unconventional because she’s going to meet her other two best friends… one at work and one because you’ll date her future husband!! I told her the secret that it all goes by faster than you can even grasp. I warned her there would be seasons of profound darkness and she’d almost give up but it’s important to know the deep darkness clears and things are beautiful. Life will never be perfect because perfect doesn’t exist.

I told her she would always feel everything. The whole of the good the heaviness of the bad. That our entire life we’d love so many people in so many ways. That we’d feel love on so many levels. I told her to make sure those people know she loves them. Don’t ever hide it. The love matters. Some would stay a life time and some would stay a season.

I made her promise to find her voice, find her confidence, use her voice and experience life as it comes!