Some days you gotta say fuck the mind numbing tasks of adulthood and go for a walk with one of your besties in the beautiful sunshine! Check out an antique shop and then cuddle your fuzzy bestie!!
Life is too short to not do the things that fill your cup!
Today was the day… a day we’ve talked about for months. A day we feared, a day we knew we needed. Today was the day we gathered with friends and family and said our goodbyes to my parents. We celebrated their lives, ate their favourite food, hugged, laughed, cried, reflected, and were reminded that life is a gift and you only have a short time to enjoy it. Eat the damn cake. Smile at the flowers, love your people.
I couldn’t of got through today (the past few years actually) without a handful of amazing friends and the most dedicated husband ever ❤️ I am so incredibly thankful for my people and my dog!
The following are the words I shared at today’s celebration of life…if you do nothing else today make sure you hug your loved ones and let them know what they mean to you.
All the love we won’t ever forget…
I’d like to thank you all for being here with us on this beautiful summer day. This is exactly the kind of day Mom and Dad would of loved to have a yard full of people, Mom would happily get out a spread of crackers meat, cheese, pickled beets and Dad would direct one of us kids to get up a pot of coffee! So that’s what we are going to do in their honour today! We are here to celebrate their lives, their love, the memories and some of their favourite foods. But first I’d like to share a few words to my parents.
How do I condense a lifetime into a few minute speech? How do I condense 2 lifetimes into the same speech?
I don’t know but like my Momna and very unlike my Dad I’m wordy as heck so I’m gonna do my best!
To my Mother …. You were the most tenacious, driven, independent force I’ve ever known. You lived your life with dedication to those you loved. You had a big heart, a big voice and a big personality that didn’t match your tiny stature. I often thought your boldness and lack of fear was to combat your small size. But your bold fearless nature was what made you you. You were unshakable. You taught me that you could do anything you put your mind to. That I could do anything I put my mind to. You taught me to see things through to the end even if it was easier to quit or walk away. Finish what you start. Dust yourself off later. You taught me that it was okay to talk to strangers because strangers become friends. You taught me it was ok to stand up for myself. You taught me to use the best four letter words efficiently and You taught me to eat the damn cake. You taught me to live while I’ve got the chance.
I know so many of you hold amazing stories about my mothers antics. Like her wild ability to fix a broken down blazer in the parking lot of my elementary school as other Mom’s looked on both equally horrified and impressed. I know many of you remember her sending you home from a visit with bags of produce from her and Dads gardens! With jars of homemade jam, those Mile high apple pies, the magnificent lemon meringue pies she could make like no one else. Most of you at one time or another sat across the table from Carol and sipped coffee with her, smoked a cigarette with her. Answered a call from her to be greeted with “what ya doing?” You all Listen to her gush endlessly about her Grand babies. She loved being a grandma. She loved ferociously actually. Her whole life. She was loving and dedicated, stubborn and strong. That’s who she was … she was sassy, bold, love.
While my Mother was in fact a nonstop talker my Dad was not a man of many words. But my god he knew how to use those words when he wanted to!
To my Father…I always knew I’d be lost without you and as the end drew near earlier this year my heart broke before you even left us. I knew I’d have to spend the rest of my life using what you taught me just to get through it. From you Dad I learned the value of silence, I learned the importance of going for walks, you taught me the solace in spending time alone. From you I learned when to keep my mouth shut and I learned when it was worth telling somebody off to be sure to tell them all the way off!!! From you I learned the value of a witty one liner.
You were the embodiment of hard work. Your hands were never idle. You provided for our family and we’re always there to pick me up when I did something stupid. I still remember you running down the street when you realized the crash you heard was me rear ending a street cleaner (yes a street cleaner) a block from home. I remember you made sure I was ok and then an hour later you tossed me the keys to your van and made me get back on the proverbial horse and go driving. You were not a man who settled for mediocre in anything you did and you surely didn’t raise us to be mediocre. You taught us to always turn around and help the next person in line.
You’d help anyone who needed it. You didn’t ask for anything in return. I grew up watching you run towards car accidents to help strangers. You’d always pull over to see if you could help. You’d always offer up a few dollars in gas to get a stranded stranger back on the road. Acts of service were how you shared your love. In an emergency look for the helpers, be a helper that’s what you taught me because that’s who you were. You were an amazing helper, you were a giver, you were a quiet, dedicated hard worker. You were a great Dad and the most attentive Grandfather.
Together my parents taught me that life and love is tumultuous. They taught me that marriage is a commitment and it is work. They taught me to ride and not worry about the fall. They taught me to pick myself up and always help pick others up when they need it.
They were dedicated to a life together and when mom left us we saw exactly how strong that need to be together was. Dad was lost without her. He never stopped looking for her in that year apart. Even tho my heart is broken they are both gone I’m so incredibly thankful they are together again. I can just picture her smothering him with a kiss and him announcing “leave me alone!” But we all know he secretly loved every second of her love.
They were your friend, your family, your brother, your sister, they were dedicated, attentive parents and amazing Grandparents.
Here’s to two lives lived with dedication and love and to the solace that they are together in this eternity.
Thank you
When the tears fall without warning and the salty taste engulfs your entire being… When you quickly try to shoo those feelings away or stop those feelings in their tracks… Take a deep breath and just let them be for a minute. Those tears are likely unspoken words, long forgotten moments and just a little reminder of the life you’re living and the one(s) you’re grieving.
Remember there are no rules on being sad, no playbook for grief. No timeline. The reality of life is that one day you’re here and one day you’re not. Life is going to pass us all by one day at a time and our only job is live it. Live it in a way that brings you joy. Soak in whatever moments bring you happiness. Spend your hours with the people who make you feel. Yes the ones who make you feel!!! Feel content, safe, wild, alive! The ones who help make you feel like your best self! The ones who help bring out your passion, Those ones are the magic! You’re somebody’s magic and might not even know it!
Remember though you’re going to feel the hard feelings often enough. There is simply no escaping those either. Don’t waste too much time on trying to figure out what life is all about. I think if you’re busy focusing all your energy on finding the reason, trying to find the secret of life then you’re missing the journey. And friends… I think the secret to life is the journey.
As my Momma taught me… eat the cake! Sit down to drink your coffee and find reason to celebrate even the most mundane of Mondays!
With Mother’s Day fast approaching and all the love and fun that comes with it there is also sadness. Sadness for those who have lost their Mom, for those who never knew their Mom, for those who long to be a Mom, for those who long to feel the way they did before they were a Mom. Sadness for those who experienced pain at the hands of the one they call(ed) Mom. For those Dad’s who also have to act as Mom. For those Mom’s that suffered loss and long to hold their babies one more time.
Motherhood changes a person. It made me both stronger and softer. It made me both ferocious and timid. It made me feel love in a way I didn’t know existed and it made me feel anger in ways I wish I didn’t know existed. Motherhood has made me feel both full of love and full of terror. It’s made me marvel at my ability and long for a taste of the freedom I once knew. Losing my own Momma recently has made face my own mortality. It’s made me see things I missed my entire life. It’s made me wish for 5 more minutes to tell her things I should of said years ago. It’s made me understand the demons she was fighting and see the fears she faced. I spent my whole life near her and only truly saw some things for what they were once she was gone.
Being a Mom is hard. Being a Mom is exhausting. Being a Mom means giving up part of who you are so you can help your kids be who they are. Being a Mom is an amazing journey. Losing your Mom is a journey of a different sort.
To all the Mom’s out there…. I see you. I walk beside you! I’m here to help hold you up. I’m here to tell you those feelings and frustrations are ok. To all those who lost their Mom…. I am you, I hold a membership card to that club we didn’t ask to join and I cry with you.
To all the Aunts, Grandmas, friends, sisters, Dads that help stand in for us Mommas when we are sick, tired, drained, broken, or when we just need a minute…. Thank you.
I’ve got a lot I should update about but I’m not ready. I’m sad and grief is absolutely unmapped territory.
So instead I’ll share some photos from today. Our day was quiet but productive. We got groceries, I hugged a friend, I drank coffee sitting down, I left the house, I ate yummy food, I wore my festive pants and I felt all the feels. A friend dropped off lovely flowers and fun Rae Dunn things to cheer me up. I thought a lot about my friends who are checking in and showing up. It means the world to me.
I’ve spent the last 8 months in therapy and I’ve learned so much. I however still have not mastered the ability to not let my anger and irritation skyrocket when someone does something that disappoints my child. To be honest I don’t think it’s a skill I will ever master.
Now I fully acknowledge that in life we all get disappointed sometimes and that’s just something we need to learn to deal with and I’m doing my best to teach Jacob how to handle these situations. With that being said im not talking about the little disappointments like not getting the cake you asked for or not getting to stop at the park! I’m talking about the hurtful disappointments. I’m talking about when a friend or family member breaks a promise or once again ignores your feelings. When a person constantly shows their favouritism by leaving you out. The list goes on.
So while I’m all for teaching my child that disappointments are simply a part of life I’m also right here to teach him that his feelings are valid! I’m here to teach him that allowing someone to continue to bring him hurt and disappointment with their actions and behaviour is not something that he or any of us has to tolerate.
Honor your feelings and give yourself space to actually feel them and work through them.
If you find yourself constantly tired trying to fill a void in a relationship maybe it’s time to evaluate that relationship. Maybe it’s time to have the hard conversation with yourself and really figure out if the way this relationship makes you feel is truly worth what you get out out of it.
Never let someone’s excuses convince you that their actions and excuses aren’t hurtful if they have in fact hurt you or your well-being.
Not everyone is going to like this…. but here it is…. Your mental health and well-being are more important than your job, than your career. More important than your deadlines, your to do list. Bigger than that event you said you’d attend. More important than your size. Bigger than money. More important than other people’s moods. If taking care of your mental health means letting someone else down than let them down. You’re mental health is more important than other people’s opinions of you. Its more important than status. You cannot be successful unless you take care of your own needs. Expressing your emotions and feelings is not a sign of weakness. Doing your best doesn’t mean pleasing all the people all the time. Do the things you need to do for your own well-being. You’re more of an asset to your family when you treat yourself with the love and respect you need and deserve. Fill your own cup and love yourself ❤️
I took this photo this morning and was ready to sit down and take part in the Bell let’s talk initiative and discuss the need to normalize asking for help when it comes to mental health but the longer I sat there the further away my words got from me. All I could find myself thinking about was Performative ally-ship and how awful employees of both companies big and small are often treated when it comes to mental health! Maybe it’s because after being assaulted at work I was pretty much told if I wanted anything done about it I could hire an employment lawyer out of pocket. Maybe it’s because I’m at a point in my life where I expect people to walk the walk if they are going to talk the talk!
I’m wholeheartedly supportive of normalizing conversations about mental health, but let’s not make it once a year to help some corporate giant line their pockets with tax breaks! Let’s check in on friends and family regularly. Let’s teach our kids about feelings, gratitude and that it’s okay to take a mental health day! Let’s think before we type those snarky remarks on social media and remember there is a real person behind the comments. Let’s be supportive of each other and be aware it’s ok to take our own needs into account!
Let’s acknowledge that we are all human and we all have a story! Some of us live our lives as open books but we all have chapters most don’t get to read. Let’s just try to be kind and supportive everyday.
I’m lucky to have an amazing husband and a handful of friends that I know truly care about me and my wellbeing! For that I’m thankful!
Grab a drink (I’ve got iced Christmas tea mixed with diet ginger ale and it’s pure heaven) and pull up a seat! Let’s talk! Real talk! 2020 has been a really tough year on many levels for most people! I’ve continued to try my best to practice gratitude and offer my assistance to others in need in ways that work for my little family. But I’m going to be honest with you all… I’ve had my moments & struggled. I’ve had my moments of frustration , irritation, fear, sadness, anger, pretty much every emotion! Thankfully for me I’ve got an amazing husband to fall back on for support, a house full of family, and a handful of amazing friends to turn to. I’ve got a whole team of you here on social media ready to interact with me and share some giggles at the click of a post!! I’ve made new online friends through our shared Love of vintage stuff, crafting, love of community, etc.
So to all of you who help break up my day and make me laugh, smile, reflect, learn, etc thank you!! To my new found friends I’m so excited to get to spend time with you when it’s safe!
To all of you getting through this thing day by day and doing your best to follow the rules and show kindness, Thank you!
Yesterdays announcement on Christmas restrictions hit me hard. I held it together over the evening but I literally burst into tears over breakfast this morning. And you know what … that’s ok. It’s ok because the announcement sucked, the realization of what it all means just flat out sucks. There is no sugar coating it! Watching other people skirt the rules or flat out ignore them is straight up maddening. Sometimes it’s hard to not get angry and blame others for this mess.
So this morning I had my cry and I pulled myself together and I’m not going to sit here and spew toxic positivity at you and tell you it was rainbows and butterflies all afternoon because it wasn’t! My mood continued to reflect the weather! Kinda dark and gloomy but progressing through the afternoon. But I will tell you I spent part of the afternoon doing little things to help other people (because acts of service and gift giving are how I express love) and honestly that was the highlight of my day. I got my parents groceries at Ralph’s Farm Market because I truly don’t want them in stores if we can avoid it and I feel very safe doing their shopping at Ralph’s. We dropped off our reverse advent calendar donations (a few days late) to Cloverdale Community Kitchen. I dropped off the tree ornaments a new friend had me make. I generally kept busy!
During my brief out and about today you know what I noticed??? People trying their best to follow distancing protocol. I noticed staff that were welcoming and smiling behind their masks (you can tell) I noticed most people are being kind and doing the best they can to get through this. I noticed kindness despite adversity and fear. I noticed thankfulness from others and then I remembered the quote from the Grinch.. “Maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more”. Maybe this year we all need to find a way to make it mean a little bit more. Maybe we can all try to flow through our days with kindness and intention. Maybe we can try to find the good. Share a smile. I’m not saying to suppress the hard feelings but try to find the silver lining. Again I’m not going to throw toxic positivity at you and tell you a list of ways to stay positive. I’m just asking you to make an effort to see something good in each day.
Hell im sure I’ll have another good cry before the week is over but I’m going to try my best to take care of myself, my family, and actively try to look for that silver lining!
Today I cried and felt sad but my silver lining was feeling safe shopping and seeing my parents from the driveway when we dropped off the groceries. Jacob singing jingle bells in the truck! Hearing my Mom cry briefly on the phone then pull herself together and tell me how happy she was to see us today (even if it was only a few minutes from the drive way). Listening to her tell me how much she liked the little chocolate treats she found in the grocery bag! The air hug from 10 feet away when handing off an order to a new friend! Spending a few minutes alone arranging the beautiful flowers I got at the market and finally getting these words out.
We’re all in this together! ❤️
I’m thankful December is here! I’m thankful for the glow of the Christmas lights, our beautiful tree, and the magic that comes along with this time of year!
