Snow day Salted Chocolate Chip Cookies

Jan16

So it’s really cold and snowy here the last few days! Which is not typical for our location but it does happen maybe once or twice a year! We usually cancel any plans and appointments and just hunker down at home until it passes! Yesterday We made cinnamon rolls & bacon and enjoyed a family weekend brunch on a Wednesday! Snow days aren’t so bad!

Early this morning Jacob and I took to the kitchen to fulfill hubby’s request for chocolate chip cookies! Now anyone who knows me knows for the past 15 years I’ve stuck to (and been famous for) these Chocolate chip cookies. Now last summer Kevin bought me Joanna Gaines cookbook Magnolia Table and I’ve been obsessed with her chocolate chip cookies!

I pretty much follow her recipe exactly except I use a full tablespoon of real vanilla and sprinkle the tops with chunky sea salt when they come out of the oven! I also add chunks of good quality melting chocolate to each cookie prior to baking! Trust me you can’t go wrong with pools of melted chocolate! For the chocolate chips themselves I use a mix of regular size and mini chips! I find it gives the cookie these amazing caverns of chocolate!!

If you want to try these yourselves but don’t have the cook book you can find the recipe Here.

If you do try these please let me know what you think! Or any changes you’ve made! The recipe itself minus the chocolate chips makes an amazing cookie base for your creations! At Christmas time I used this recipe with white chocolate chips, cranberries, and a pinch of cinnamon! So delicious!

Thankful Thursday – Week 2/52

Jan9

Happy Thursday friends!! How’s everyone holding up through the first full week of 2020? We’re doing ok! It’s a bit of a hurry up and wait week for us as we edge our way towards Friday and a very important meeting! More about that in a week or so.

We are slowly falling back into a schedule now that Christmas is over. We’ve started back to the gym and Jacob’s next set of swimming lessons has started. It’s nice to have a bit of routine back. I mean we still lack serious routine because I’m not back to work but still more then we had in December.

So another Thursday which means Thankful Thursday! This week I’m grateful for the little moments I get to share with Jacob.

This child is 55 pounds of cuddle monster! He incredibly sensitive and instinctively seems to know when someone needs a bit of love.

Yesterday he and I had a little lunch date at the mall before his swimming lessons and he was so happy to just chat and chat! He always makes me laugh. We also checked out the new City LEGO at Toys R Us and of course he picked out his favourites.

He is my why. He is my little king. He makes me a better person and because of him I hold it all together even when I think I can’t. ❤️

Epicure Azteca Tortilla Soup

Jan5

It’s that time of year again! A new Epicure catalogue has launched with lots of new products and meal solutions. I thought it might be fun to review some of the new products and share my thoughts.

If you aren’t familiar with Epicure it is a local to me Canadian company that aims to inspire clean eating through their line of gluten free, sugar/salt/fat conscious line of spices, mixes, and meal solutions.

In the spirit of full disclosure I should mention that I am an independent Epicure consultant! That in no way means I will withhold my honest opinions on these products. This is not a sponsored post in any way and I have purchased these products at my own cost.

So, on to the soup!

I followed the directions on the package using the water option instead of broth. The ingredients and directions are extremely simple. You boil the water and seasoning, add in tomatoes, boil again. Meanwhile rinse the black beans. Add beans and corn and simmer.

To serve top with Greek yogurt, cheese,avocado, lime juice, and tortilla chips if you wish.

Now in all honesty I found the soup incredibly bland after following the directions on the package. Next time I will definitely use broth over water.

After trying it as prepared according to the package directions I went ahead and added in some salt, taco seasoning, red garlic sensel, and a few other things to give it more of the flavour I was expecting/looking for.

I also added two chopped Roma tomatoes because I like chunks or tomatoes in my taco soup.

I don’t mind at all that I had to add salt to this soup. In fact I think that is a good thing given how many packaged mixes and soups are sodium heavy. I’m not one who adds much salt in my cooking but I will when it’s needed. I will admit I wasn’t expecting to have to add so many extra ingredients/spices to this soup to make it more flavourful. On the other hand it’s easier to add ingredients to your liking then to try to cover up a flavour you don’t like in a package mix.

Once the soup was done and topped with the toppings mentioned above and cilantro I very much enjoyed it but again I don’t think I would of enjoyed it very much had I not tweaked it to my liking.

With that being said would I make this again? Absolutely! I would make it using broth and set out knowing what I want to add. I’m also looking forward to trying this with the addition of veggie ground round (or ground beef for the meat eaters). I would also use this mix in other recipes, I’m thinking a taco casserole.

This product is not at all what I was expecting as a quick meal solution/soup mix but it’s a product I will happily use as an ingredient in my own creations.

Thankful Thursday Week 1/52

Jan2

The first thankful Thursday of 2020! I’ve been thinking all day what I wanted to share tonight as my Thankful Thursday topic.

Practicing gratitude is definitely something I try to do daily and especially when I’m feeling off. Spoiler alert, I’m feeling very off today!

So today I’m thankful for quiet, rainy afternoon runs to Starbucks! I know that may sound frivolous and spoiled but sometimes it’s nice to take a few minutes out of the day to reset and quiet my brain!

What are you thankful for today?

Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn’t want to talk…

Jan2

2020 …. How did that happen? Wasn’t it just 2010? Didn’t I just start nursing? Get married? Become a mother? How did 10? 20? Years go by so fast?

I’ve got very little advice to offer at this point other then to be weary of people in the darkness who hold flashlights. Not everyone drawing you towards them wants to help you.

When The Words Not Spoken Are Deafening!

Dec30

Humans are messy. Families are messy. We are hurtful creatures! Some of us try harder than others to avoid hurting others and some just brush their hands and pretend they are innocent. Truth is none of us are innocent. We all make mistakes. We all do hurtful things. Sometimes we mean to, Sometimes we don’t. The problem is it’s damn near impossible for the recipient of the pain to know what was malicious and what was an honest to God oversight.

I’m a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. I once had a boyfriend who smacked me in the face while telling me he loved me. Because I believe actions speak louder than words it was the last time he ever put his hands on me in any capacity. Somethings you can forgive, somethings you can’t but I always remind myself that actions speak louder!

What I do know is when someone or something continues to hurt you or someone you love you have to stand up and do something about it. Sometimes you try to have a conversation, sometimes you cut ties. Sometimes you just do what you do and let the pieces fall where they may.

I don’t have the answers but what I also know is as a mother of one I never have to hide who my favourite is. I never have to share my affection between children. As parents we aren’t supposed to have a favourite. We of course can love our children differently and as they need but we aren’t supposed to prefer one over the other! I guess as humans it’s in our nature to gravitate to others who share our interests and mannerisms. But it’s often hurtful and glaringly obvious!

I’ve spent many hours waffling between being sad and being angry. Then the guilt kicks in. The guilt because as a mother I’ve failed my child in allowing him to be put in situations where time after time he ends up disappointed by adults in his life. My sweet child doesn’t understand why he is often left out of family events and despite doing our best to shelter his knowledge on when these events happen he is getting older and he’s figuring more out on his own and it breaks my heart.

I recently had a friend tell me “It’s their loss” in reference to family members who don’t spend time with Jacob but you know what it’s his loss too. It’s his loss and that hurts my heart.

My son isn’t an afterthought. He isn’t second best. He isn’t an inconvenience and I’m done allowing anyone to treat him that way!

All Was Calm… All Was Bright

Dec26

Good morning friends! Happy Boxing Day 2019! How did we all fare yesterday? Tired? Me too! I cannot believe Christmas has come and gone! This year has disappeared in the blink of an eye. They always told me time would go faster as I aged but they never mentioned warp speed!

So my last post was gut wrenchingly real. That’s what I aim to share here for the next year. I’m not one to sugar coat struggles and as a Mom, wife, nurse, daughter I relate best to people who don’t sugarcoat shit! I hope you’ll follow along with me as I share my life, day to day triumphs and struggles! I bought myself (and you readers) a little Christmas gift in the form of a year paid hosting to get rid of those pesky ads!! I dunno call me crazy but a toe nail fungus medication ad smack dab in the middle of my last post just didn’t work for me! So if you noticed a domain name change that’s why! Don’t worry I’ll still share recipes too!

So on to the good stuff! So at some point in the last week someone said to me “nothing has to be perfect” and I held onto to that as my mantra as I prepped the final Christmas plans! I love hosting and this year was no different! We had 17 for Christmas dinner and a much smaller Christmas Eve appy hour get together. This year I did things differently! I bought everything pre made. Veggie plate, fruit plate, meat and cheese and instead of painstaking arranging them on platters in an Instagram worthy way I just put them out on the table and relaxed with my family instead! Guess what!! No one died because their food wasn’t served on a beautiful Christmas platter! I really gave myself the gift to just let go of my own self imposed expectations and I’m glad I did! Let go of self imposed expectations that only serve to steal your own joy and peacefulness!

Christmas morning was probably one of the most peaceful, relaxing days I’ve had in months because I thought ahead and realized it’s the preparation of stuffing and cranberry sauce to get the turkey going that really stresses me out! Not because it’s hard but because on Christmas morning I’d much rather be spending time with my family! I’d much rather be playing with Jacob and his new toys! So this year that’s what I did! Of course on Christmas Eve morning I spent a couple hours in the kitchen preparing the stuffing and cranberries in advance but it was well worth it! I was already in the kitchen anyways! Last minute baking!

Jacob was so excited with his new toys and new bike!

We spent the morning as a family together and it was perfect. We had fresh baked cinnamon buns with coffee and later we had brunch! My heart was happy!

I also took the day off of social media and my phone! I didn’t document the day with 100 photos! Instead I played LEGO with Jacob and took him on a bike ride! I aimed to be as present as possible. It was nice. I know that my need for things to be “Perfect” is my own issue and I’m definitely going to spend some time reminding myself and teaching myself that things don’t have to be Hallmark movie perfect for Jacob to enjoy them. I know he’s a kid and probably didn’t even notice most of the little details that I stressed over, and that’s ok!!!

So because it’s Thursday I’m going to close with my Thankful Thursday thoughts.

I’m thankful for my husband who loves me unconditionally. He loves me when I’m at my best and at my worst. He even loves me when I get the urge to dye my hair really red on Christmas Eve and my sister in law grants my wishes! See evidence below! He loves me for me and sometimes I think that must be tough.

The Christmas Conundrum

Dec19

The stockings are hung by the chimney with care! The house is full of festive! The most amazing gifts await my little and the loves of my life. We’ve baked cookies, we’ve followed Elfonzo’s antics all month! We’ve given back to our community. We’ve visited twinkling light displays, chatted with Santa, done Christmas crafts, munched on themed Christmas food! I’ve watched Hallmark movies while sipping excessively festive hot chocolate. We’ve played Christmas music throughout the days. We have the most beautiful tree standing in our living room! We cut it down ourselves and decorated it with the most stunning vintage shiny brights! We’ve had indoor snowball fights, advent calendars, nothing has been missed.

I joked earlier in the month that Christmas is my Super Bowl and I’ve trained all year but today in the early morning quiet 6 days before Christmas it just doesn’t feel right. I wait all year for this month. I prep and plan, love every sugary sprinkle of detail and magic. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited! The decorations make me smile. Jacob’s wonder and enchantment with Santa made me melt but I’m struggling internally.

As my best friend would say “That’s a you problem!”. She’s right, it is me! Everything is as perfect as I could of hoped (except the lack of snow but hello we live in Vancouver!) but yet it doesn’t even feel like Christmas to me.

This lack of Christmas feeling is really causing me to get into my own head. I feel guilty for not providing Jacob a magical holiday season. But then I look around and think wow he’s not going without. The logical part of my brain is telling me he truly isn’t. The PTSD ravaged part of my brain and my being is having a harder time accepting that.

I don’t know why I feel like this this year. Is it the trauma of how my job ended? The trauma of the abuse I endured at the hands of a person who had no business treating a nurse like a piece of garbage? Is it the cumulative effect of 5 years on pins and needles trying to make life work after the accident? Why am I so tired when I’m not currently working? Why can’t I shake these feelings? Why do I feel like nothing is good enough? That I’m not enough?

When I’m ok and logical I know the answer is because of the PTSD but a lot of the time the same PTSD takes away my ability to think clearly and logically. I’ve done my research both personally and professionally. I know that scientifically PTSD changes our brains. It changes the way we react to stress, triggers and it permanently changes the way our prefrontal cortex regulates emotion.

I guess I could laugh and tell you I’m not really a fan of how my newly scarred prefrontal cortex is doing things. I could continue to put on a smile and keep doing the things I use to love. The things I still love. The things that make my son smile. Continue holding on to the moment when he excitedly wraps his arms around my neck and tells me I’m “the best momma ever!”. But honestly I’m just here to admit it’s hard.

The last five years have been hard. The last 17 weeks have been a personal struggle, a journey of confusion.

So here’s to the words sung by the beautiful & immortal Judy Garland…..

“Someday soon we all will be together if the fates allow. Until then we’ll have to muddle through somehow. So have yourself a Merry little Christmas now.”

Have Yourselves A Merry Little Christmas

Everything Is Something….

Nov5

Except sometimes your something isn’t (and doesn’t need to be) everyone else’s everything.

I’m so incredibly thankful to be Canadian. To live in a country that allows me the freedoms to live my life however I deem fit!! For that all my respect and love goes out to honour and remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifices to provide us those freedoms.

Remembrance day is, was, and always will be deeply meaningful to me.

The fact we put up some of our Christmas decorations this weekend does not in any way diminish the respect I have for all of those who have and continue to serve this great country so that me and my family can continue to live in peace and make our own choices about how and when we choose to do things.

This weekend I had a number of strong opinions and snarky remarks thrown at me because I chose to share Jacob and I’s excitement over our Christmas decorations and baking Christmas cookies. I was told I’m “disrespectful” and that I don’t honour the soldiers that fought for our country. I was told that decorating prior to November 12th is “unnecessary” and “ridiculous”.

At first I was really annoyed but the more I thought about it the more I really started to think about the connotations of the words and insults being hurled all over social media at those who choose to get festive early.

My stance on this is simple, I don’t tell others adults how to run their lives, how to raise their kids, when to go to bed, what to eat for dinner, etc. So I can’t wrap my head around why all of the sudden people are wanting to take away freedom of choice from people. The very thing so many have and continue to fight and die for. Freedom.

Let that sink in.

We all live in this amazing country. We all have rights to celebrate, practice religion, wear what we want, eat what we want, marry who ever we want. But yet many still feel the need to force their opinions and beliefs on others. To feel the need to talk down to others who don’t do life like they do.

It hit me. This isn’t about the Remembrance Day/Christmas decoration issue. This goes far deeper. This is about people who can’t help but want others to live like they do. People who want to engrain their beliefs on to others without actually realizing that they are using methods of shame, ridicule, and embarrassment to do so.

That’s a scary path when you really think about it.

At the end of the day I’ve realized I know who I am, I know what makes me happy, I know where my respect and my honour lies. I know what Remembrance Day means to me and I know a few Christmas decorations aren’t strong enough to take any of that away from me.