Some days itās really hard to fight the urge to count calories. Even tho Iāve made a conscious decision to sway away from that, focus on moving my body daily and eating what makes me feel good! I think itās going to take a long time to break the habit of counting calories and judging food in the āhealthy/un healthyā categoryās.
I had to fight through the urge over breakfast to look up all the reasons why that 1/2 avocado was ātoo Muchā or āunhealthyā. I reminded myself that I enjoy avocado and it keeps me full for a long time!
I think unlearning old habits is often harder then forming new habits!
This morning I crawled out of my warm bed to take Muffin out to pee. I was hit with cold air upon opening the door! Cold air I havenāt felt since early last spring! I rushed Muff along and upon returning inside took a moment to crawl into bed beside Jacob. His barely awake warm self instantly embraced me and we cuddled for a solid 10 minutes before going about our regular before school routine. Now as I sit here reflecting on the morning I realize how much those ten minutes changed my day. They made me feel loved and relaxed and that put me in a great mood. I had more patience with my parents this morning and generally find myself less stressed!!
I hope our cuddle had the same effect on his day and I hope he never outgrows Momma cuddles! ā¤ļø
Break my heart in twoā¦..Iām already looking for you and youāre right here. Why does a few blocks feel like a journey of a million miles? Youāre the apple of my eye!! Youāre my tiny little best friend. Nothing makes my heart happier than you! Today I let you stand on your own two feet. Today Iāll cry and worry. Today Iāll experience the longest hour of my life. Such a bitter sweet feeling. Your apprehensive feelings are being held at bay by your excitement. Your compassion and concern for me is evident. Iāll be ok sweet boy. Iām just not ready for thisā¦ but Iāll learn and be looking forward to picking you up everyday to hear about your adventures. How did 6.5 years go by so fast? Through the jungle, through the dark, in the sunshine, home is wherever I am with you!
The passing of time is a cruel reminder that life is only so many seasons long. Iām sitting here this morning trying to figure out where the Summer went.
Iām thankful we got to spend time as a family making memories. As I look towards the approaching Fall I have an extremely strong grasp on whatās important to me while everything else seems to be spiralling out of control around me.
With that being said, honestly im exhausted. We are about to start down a brand new path of a child in school learning, a husband with a permanent injury attempting to go back to work, and continuing to weather the storm of aging parents.
Every time I think Iāve caught my breath something seems to push be back under the wave Iām trying not to drown in. I think Iām tired of trying to fill that void.
The weather this weekend has been a mood. Literally overnight we went from sweltering sunny days to damp cool moody days. I feel it in my soul. A direct reflection of how many of us are feeling? Or maybe just how Iām feeling.
Iāve spent the last 8 months in therapy and Iāve learned so much. I however still have not mastered the ability to not let my anger and irritation skyrocket when someone does something that disappoints my child. To be honest I donāt think itās a skill I will ever master.
Now I fully acknowledge that in life we all get disappointed sometimes and thatās just something we need to learn to deal with and Iām doing my best to teach Jacob how to handle these situations. With that being said im not talking about the little disappointments like not getting the cake you asked for or not getting to stop at the park! Iām talking about the hurtful disappointments. Iām talking about when a friend or family member breaks a promise or once again ignores your feelings. When a person constantly shows their favouritism by leaving you out. The list goes on.
So while Iām all for teaching my child that disappointments are simply a part of life Iām also right here to teach him that his feelings are valid! Iām here to teach him that allowing someone to continue to bring him hurt and disappointment with their actions and behaviour is not something that he or any of us has to tolerate.
Honor your feelings and give yourself space to actually feel them and work through them.
If you find yourself constantly tired trying to fill a void in a relationship maybe itās time to evaluate that relationship. Maybe itās time to have the hard conversation with yourself and really figure out if the way this relationship makes you feel is truly worth what you get out out of it.
Never let someoneās excuses convince you that their actions and excuses arenāt hurtful if they have in fact hurt you or your well-being.
Isnāt it strange how we can spend thousands of hours in the same place and be completely unmoved by it? Yet our brains hold on to places where we only spent a few hours. Flashing back to those brief hours frequently and longing for that spot. Longing for that feeling. How can our brains remember the details in such a fleeting moment? How come I can close my eyes and see a place so vividly? Did I leave a piece of my soul there?
Not everyone is going to like thisā¦. but here it isā¦. Your mental health and well-being are more important than your job, than your career. More important than your deadlines, your to do list. Bigger than that event you said youād attend. More important than your size. Bigger than money. More important than other peopleās moods. If taking care of your mental health means letting someone else down than let them down. Youāre mental health is more important than other peopleās opinions of you. Its more important than status. You cannot be successful unless you take care of your own needs. Expressing your emotions and feelings is not a sign of weakness. Doing your best doesnāt mean pleasing all the people all the time. Do the things you need to do for your own well-being. Youāre more of an asset to your family when you treat yourself with the love and respect you need and deserve. Fill your own cup and love yourself ā¤ļø
Ten weeks of 2021 have come and gone. As I age I really realize how quickly time moves and somedays itās really hard to swallow.
Speaking of time, Yesterday was a busy day!! The first half was all about hurry up and wait! I had to wait for the sourdough bread to do its thing so I could get it baked and out the door to 2 friends! Itās kinda neat to know something I create is being used to create a meal for another family to have dinner tonight! Covid may mean we canāt be together but we can stay connected!
The rest of the day was errands and groceries! I really enjoyed getting out of the house, even if was just for groceries. Kevin took me to my favourite local market (Ralphās) and to Homesense! We went to Costco and he stopped and got me some Apple AirPods because the noise canceling function was recommended to me to help my mental health! I desperately need quiet to function and feel whole.
Iām very thankful Iāve got a husband who makes me take advice that may help me despite the cost.
Muffin would like you to know sheās extremely thankful for guacamole š¤£ This pup begged for guacamole and chips for an hour last night! She made me laugh!
Iāve had a love of reading from as far back as I can remember! The smell of a freshly cracked book is pure magic. The softness of magazines pages is relaxing bliss! Wandering a book store is pure joy for me!! Donāt even get me started on how walking into a Scholastic book fair felt as a child!
I love taking J to bookstores and just embracing the magic! Just browsing with no particular book in mind, finding what feels right.
This week we visited Chapters and each got a new book and a journal! (His gratitude journal came from amazon). Iām so excited to introduce Jacob to journaling and the act of acknowledging gratitude! Obviously if youāre here reading this you know about my Thankful Thursday posts and honestly thru truly serve as a great activity to refocus my week. Doing these posts has made me realize that practicing gratitude and journaling doesnāt have to take hours but it truly is beneficial!
I challenge everyone to take a week or a month and actively practice gratitude and make note of what brings you joy!
The vintage valentines simply made me smile,reminisce and brought me joy! We are going to mail Valentineās to a few friends and family to hopefully spread happiness! While we were at the mall anyways we snuck into Purdys and got a beautiful heart box of chocolates filled will all our family favourites!
Iām truly thankful for our family outing to a few stores today. Given the Covid situation we havenāt been going into stores much and definitely not taking Jacob but today was an exception because he needed new clothes and I had no clue what size to buy him! It was so nice to feel normal for a couple hours.
