Self care looks like cancelling your Saturday night plans, soaking in a lush bath and ordering yourself dinner!
The boys are at a movie tonight and I opted for a quiet night in and I absolutely made the right decision.
I still can’t shake the effects of having strep throat a couple weeks ago. I’m exhausted and sore. I think this time of year is hard for me. I always get sick in June.
I’m going to finish eating my dinner and cuddle up with a book and my Bandit!
On the eve of 42… Goodbye Cheers to 41… a year of coping, grieving, and finding my path towards healing. I’m so thankful for the little family I love and to my friends for helping hold me up when I stumbled this year!! I’m so thankful to my core crew who encouraged me to find my peace and see the joy in rediscovering adventure 🩷🩵🩷
I’m so thankful to those who see the best in me even when I’m struggling.
I’m so thankful to the few I’ve grown close to this year and the safe place they offer me when I’m struggling and when I’m thriving.
What a blessing to wake up here on the eve of my 42 birthday. What a blessing to hear the waves crash as I walk with my best friend. What a blessing to spend these days with the loves of my life. What a blessing to see the light.
When you think you’ve got the grief handled it rears its head after a week of happiness. It knocks you down when you feel like yourself. You can’t float because it has a way of taking the wind from your sails and the worst part is you can’t figure out why it comes like this.
I was told the best thing to do is sit with the grief. Feel it. Embrace it. I can tell you at 5 am just days before my 42 birthday I don’t want to feel it.. I want to shake it. I want to feel like I did on better days this week. I want the sunshine to come back. I want to drink coffee with people I love. I want to laugh. I want to feel the sparks of life. I want to feel like me.
I think in reality it never goes away. Grief is like a chronic illness we will live with the rest of our lives. Sometimes the pain subsides but the symptoms always come back.
I can tell you it’s shitty.
I guess maybe the grief is a reminder to really embrace the good stuff. A reminder to really hold on to the people who make you feel loved and safe. A reminder to sit down and listen to those stories, Really hear the words. Memorize the sound of their voice. Trace the shape of those faces into your mind as you listen to them talk.
None of this life is anything we get to keep forever… Embrace the little moments, hug a little longer. Let the sunshine days recharge your soul so you’re strong enough to weather the mornings you wake up with dread.
The perfect weather for bad coffee and long pointless talks while the rain beats down on the windshield…The perfect weather for committing your favourite crime.
Moody and cold … dark and grey but always the belief the sunshine is right behind those clouds. Deja vu … little white lies…..just like it always was.
Happiness in those brief rainy moments.
I think I like prefer windshields in the rain to sandcastles in the sun.
A quiet breakfast alone on what would have been Dad’s 79th Birthday. My main reflection is how thankful I am for all those mornings he sat across from me and we had breakfast together. In the last two years those breakfasts were always his best moments of the day. Our breakfast conversations always had moments and meaning I will treasure forever. Even tho those two years were the absolute hardest of both of our lives I’m so thankful he was here at home with us. I’m so thankful for all those quiet breakfasts together. Happy heavenly Birthday Dad!
People are going to judge you no matter what you do… So here is the only advice I have for 2024!!! Do what you want. Love who you love. Love yourself…love your life. Take the risks. The perfect cookie cutter life doesn’t exist so if something takes your breath away do it. If it feels like magic grab it.. even if you only catch it once. Live your damn life on your terms. Chase sunsets and wake up to greet the next sunrise. ❤️
Life With The McGavins 